First you're another Sloe-eyed vamp.
Then someone's mother, then you're camp.
Then you career from career to career.
I'm almost through my memoirs.
And I'm here.
25 December 2020
Hot Oatmeal
Hot Oatmeal: An Explanation
It all starts with the story at the end under “About the Authors.”
At 2:30 am on September 16th, 2020, Lan awoke in a panic from a vivid nightmare inI cried and cried and cried. I woke up crying. I wanted to call her, but it was the middle of the night. George, my giant teddy bear and voice of reason, was working a night shift. So I just sat there in the darkness, wallowing in my self-imposed trauma. When morning arrived at last and Mom answered her phone, she somehow knew exactly what to do. She chose her gentle voice - the first voice I ever heard - to tell me that she eats oatmeal every morning. She puts a bunch of stuff in it. The delivery was tedious, methodical, and soothing. Distractingly mundane. It became very clear that she wasn’t in a cage. She wasn’t in the ocean.
When my sister woke up, I texted to tell her all about Mom and the oatmeal.10 Jokingly, I suggested that I transcribe the conversation into my second children’s book. Lien agreed, but seriously. By the end of the morning, the book had been drafted.7
My first idea was to somehow incorporate Sách Đếm, a hand-drawn Vietnamese counting book my mother had made for Drakeson several years ago. I scanned the book, deleted the white paper underneath, and smoothed over the colored pencil and marker drawings with an oil painting filter.2
When you’re writing something as simple as a counting book that goes to ten, it’s too easy to make it perfect. We get books like that for free every year from the Austin Trail of Lights. My counting book had to be the opposite of that - it had to be flat out wrong. We start off counting “one bowl of oatmeal” before the second ingredient, which is “raisins and peanuts.” You could really go back and count “one bowl of oatmeal” followed by “raisins and peanuts,” but of course it would make more sense to count “raisins and peanuts” as ingredients one and two instead. To make matters worse, I used two raisins and two peanuts, so there were four items to count instead of one or maybe two.
The third ingredient was applesauce, which I illustrated with an apple slice. Not only is this clearly not applesauce, but the number of seeds and placement of seeds changes throughout the pages for absolutely no reason. The fourth ingredient, olive oil, was cut differently each time from a picture of olive oil. You see, I had accidentally built up an empire of paper textures, and it was time to break that rule. The fifth ingredient, Metamucil, was a powder. Powder is already difficult to illustrate, so this was a great opportunity to use an overly abstract representation. The triangle is a color-edited section from the Metamucil lid on page 13. The sixth ingredient,6 legumes, was cut from paper again, but because my raisins and peanuts were the same sizes, these weren't. Seventh was chocolate, the only ingredient that overlapped itself, and fish oil, eighth, was a simplified photograph. I wanted the fish oil to reflect light like a real oil capsule, but at the same time, I didn’t want a fully photographed effect, which was reserved for the bowl and the mug.8 Ninth was strawberries cut from my only truly patterned paper, and the pour of the coffee on page ten was the only wildly irregular shape.
Color | Background of | Appears Under | Background of | Border Reference |
Mossy Cream | Sách Đếm Cover | Sách Đếm p.6 | Hot Oatmeal p.19 | Hot Oatmeal p.12 |
Vintage Lime | Sách Đếm p.1 | Sách Đếm Cover | Hot Oatmeal p.7 | Hot Oatmeal p.9 |
Lavender | Sách Đếm p.2 | Sách Đếm p.9 | Hot Oatmeal p.11 | Hot Oatmeal p.5 |
Polished Turquoise | Sách Đếm p.3 | Sách Đếm p.10 | Hot Oatmeal p.5 | Hot Oatmeal p.21 |
Sunny Mustard | Sách Đếm p.4 | Sách Đếm p.4 | Hot Oatmeal p.9 | Hot Oatmeal p.15 |
Antique White | Sách Đếm p.5 | Sách Đếm p.3 | Hot Oatmeal p.21 | Hot Oatmeal p.8 |
Pumpkin Cream | Sách Đếm p.6 | Sách Đếm p.1 | Hot Oatmeal p.13 | Hot Oatmeal p.10 |
Robin’s Egg | Sách Đếm p.7 | Sách Đếm p.7 | Hot Oatmeal p.16 | Hot Oatmeal p.20 |
Deep Periwinkle | Sách Đếm p.8 | Sách Đếm p.8 | Hot Oatmeal p.14 | Hot Oatmeal p.14 |
Sky Blue | Sách Đếm p.9 | Sách Đếm p.2 | Hot Oatmeal p.6 | Hot Oatmeal p.22 |
Sea Foam | Sách Đếm p.10 | Sách Đếm p.5 | Hot Oatmeal p.18 | Hot Oatmeal p.17 |
Do you remember how the concrete backgrounds in Hot Oatmeal blended into colored backgrounds? Well, eleven of the twenty-one blended backgrounds use the same darkened set from set two. That was the third set of eleven. To follow how this works in the chart, a darkened version of “mossy cream” blends into concrete to create the background of page 19 in Hot Oatmeal. If you're following along in the book, page 19 is the one that mirrors the cover with Mom's fire illustration.
My fourth and final set of eleven is more subtle, but it references to the original set through the surrounding borders I chose in Shutterfly. In the rightmost column, you will see that "mossy cream" inspired the outer border encasing the illustration and the words on page 12 of Hot Oatmeal, which is a portrait of Mr. Happy posing with olive oil.
Hot Oatmeal | Left Border | Left Background | Right Border | Right Background |
Pages 2-3 | ||||
Pages 4-5 | ||||
Pages 6-7 | ||||
Pages 8-9 | ||||
Pages 10-11 | ||||
Pages 12-13 | ||||
Pages 14-15 | ||||
Pages 16-17 | ||||
Pages 18-19 | ||||
Pages 20-21 | ||||
Pages 22-23 |
Pages 6-7, were inspired by my happiest childhood memories with my dad. Dad loves crisp sky-blue days and apples. Hang on a sec. I forgot that a picture is worth a thousand words.
The next set of colors are all about the olive oil, for you can make olive oil by mixing a little of that blue into the mustard. They could also illustrate moon and stars, dusk, fields, and sunset.
The Halloween trio, orange, purple, and black, dominate the next set, which is an appropriate setting for the poisonous Mr. Yuk.1
The greens, blue, and orange on pages 12-13 reflect the Mr. Happys and Mr. Yuks as well as the olive oil and Metamucil, and this time, the green circle background on the right echo Mr. Yuk instead of apples. Remember how there was an unspoken rule that every page had its own unique border and background? Not anymore.
Pages 14-15 are the darkest of the set. The ocean deep is to the left, and the right does little to lighten the mood. The contrast of yellow and purple in the first place is probably the murkiest of the primary secondary complementary pairs (compared to red and green or blue and orange), and the eerie placement of a lightbulb in the bottom right hand corner reminds us that gravity may not be functioning properly.
The outer borders in the next set represent the text quite literally with chocolate dots and fish scales. The set as a whole, mint chocolates and soft teals, reminds me of baby sheets because it's so pointedly gender neutral and cuddly.
Next we have strawberries across charcoal. Again a bit more of a literal representation of the text, but also, bright pink always needs to be tempered. Sea foam and mossy cream come together to complete the chalk-on-chalkboard effect.
You could order microfiber sofas in the beauties grouped together in pages 20-21.9 They add a welcome splash of color, but not so much that you’d regret owning cherry wood furniture. Page 20 was the only page in which I duplicated an illustration or incorporated a number into the design. I like the fact that my mother and I are suddenly dragons, and also that as dragons, we’re talking about cholesterol.
4 Another way I brought Sách Đếm into Hot Oatmeal was to distort and reuse four of Sách Đếm's original layer masks.
5 We all know what a thousand is. But do you know what a hundred thousand is? I'll tell you what it is - a hundred thousand is too big of a number for us to imagine. "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" has sold more than fifty MILLION copies. To help us make sense of this, Wikipedia says this is 1.8 copies sold every minute since its publication in 1969.
6 While ingredients six through ten are completely made up, they are also ingredients that may help to lower cholesterol.
7 Drafting the book was a lot of fun. The actual words of the book have everything to do with my family. If you didn't grow up with us, chances are you haven’t heard Mom say, “cup’coffee.” You haven’t heard her use the word “gizmo” as if that's a word anybody other than my dad uses. ("Gizmo" is a character from the movie "Gremlins." "Gadget" is the word to use.) You haven’t heard Mom talk about microwaving her coffee or sending Dad to the store, but these points come up frequently for some reason. And the store she is talking about is always called "Food Lion" no matter what the actual name of the store is. (To her credit, it has been a Food Lion before.) You haven't heard me interrupting my parents with questions transparent with criticism, which without fail provoke no concern whatsoever. But the funniest family reference to me, of course, is “hot oatmeal.” When I’m talking to anybody else, “hot oatmeal” is oatmeal and “cold oatmeal” is not real. Perhaps it’s granola. I have no idea.
9 Driving home my favorite joke of “hot oatmeal,” the dragon’s fire breath heats the oatmeal on the last couple of pages before Sách Đếm.
10 I'll close with the original text.
She told me two things that made me feel so much better.
The first is that Ba is living with them right now and Ba started watching YouTube on
The second thing she told me that made me feel better were all the details of her
This is how the story goes. You won’t be disappointed.
Every day, Dad wakes up and makes me cup’coffee.
And I sip on it and go to work.
And then by 8:00, I’m just about done with my cup’coffee.
So I go downstairs to make myself some oatmeal.
Kratzke Tins:
Mom said that she’s done with her coffee?
That’s not a true story.
Kratzke Lan:
Some hot oatmeal.
Well yeah, of course that’s not true, but that’s part of it.
Some HOT oatmeal.
And I put in raisins and (sounding very happy for no reason) peanuts.
And Dad made apple sauce so I put that in.
Because Cau Tung and Co Vy bring by the apples
And they have the little brown spots
And Vy says we have to soak them in vinegar or something.
Actually, I don’t know what she said.
And Dad says that’s okay because he’ll just peel them
“Uh, is it good?”
Oh yes. It’s very good.
“Oh!”
Hot oatmeal.
Kratzke Tins:
Oh
Kratzke Lan:
Oh and then I also throw in olive oil and Metamucil.
“That does not sound good Mom.”
No but it is good. The olive oil is good actually.
Kratzke Tins:
Ahh hahahah
This keeps getting weirder
Kratzke Lan:
“I didn’t have a problem with the olive oil. It was the Metamucil.”
Oh no, the Metamucil is very very neutral.
“Oh okay. Because I was thinking it was the orange one.”
Well I don’t know if it was the orange one because if I drink it
I probably get the orange one so I can have some flavor.
But the color is not the orange one.
Kratzke Tins:
Oh okay
I didn’t know that exists.
Kratzke Lan:
It is very neutral. So when I put it in my oatmeal, I don’t know if it’s orange.
It’s very plain. Like (thoughtfully) white.
Kratzke Tins:
Hahaha okay.
Kratzke Lan:
“Uhhhh”
“and it’s good?”
Oh yes. Hot oatmeal.
“Mom, I feel a lot better now.”
Kratzke Tins:
Hahahah she needs to stop calling it that.
Kratzke Lan:
The End.
Kratzke Tins:
HAHAHAHAH
Kratzke Lan:
There are tears in my eyes from quiet laughing right now. Our mom is the cutest.
And she knew I was tired and upset and she told me all of this in a very soothing sweet voice.
It was like I was her baby and she knew the kinds of stories that would calm me down.
Hahaha that’s soooo sweet
Kratzke Lan:
I feel like I want to transcribe the whole thing into a children’s book and every third page it says
“Oh yes hot oatmeal.”
But because it’s a children’s book I’ll put cotton candy and pizza and stuff in it.
And the first 4 pages will all repeat “cup’coffee.”
And the illustration on the page where she finishes it will show it half full.
It would be one of my favorite books.
Kratzke Tins:
Omg please do it
Make it the same dimensions as the little worst.
So it can match my book collection of one book.