31 May 2024

MBSR

CLASS 0:
George and I took a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction course from March through May.

MBSR was developed at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center in the 1970's by Professor Jon Kabat-Zinn.  It uses mindfulness meditation, body awareness, yoga, and an exploration of behavioral and mental patterns to help reduce stress, anxiety, depression, and pain.  MBSR also helps with emotional regulation and attentiveness.  "Full Catastrophe Living" is Jon Kabat-Zinn's book on MBSR, originally published in 1990.

I told my friend about my new meditation course, and she said, "I didn't know that mindfulness and mediation were the same thing."  Sigh.  I don't know what either of those words means, really, so we'll begin with that.
Meditation - the act of thinking deeply or focusing one's mind
Mindfulness - the practice of being fully present, aware, and accepting the present moment

Regarding meditation, thinking deeply is usually more like thinking about nothing as deeply as you can, which is the opposite of thinking deeply about analyzing Bach's "Art of Fugue."  In other words, it's not as fun as it sounds.
Meanwhile, mindfulness is probably most often achieved through meditation, but not always.  So meditation and mindfulness are not synonymous, and "practicing mindfulness through meditation" is a phrase that makes sense.  Having a class based on mindfulness where meditation is practiced a lot also makes sense.  Ultimately, MBSR aims to teach more than meditation, but potentially a new way of being.

Here are some of the types of meditation, with "mindfulness meditation" being a popular one.

Compassion/Loving Kindness/Metta Meditation
Strengthening feelings of compassion, kindness, and acceptance towards self and others

Concentration/Focused Meditation
Focusing on an object, sound, or thought
Focusing on any of the five senses, such as looking into candle flames (trataka)

Contemplation/Visualization Meditation
Visualizing positive scenes or images to enhance relaxation, peace, tranquility

Chanting/Mantra Meditation (associated with Hinduism, Buddhism)
Incorporating repetitive sounds to clear the mind like "om"

Mindfulness Meditation (associated with Buddhism)
Awareness of present moment, letting thoughts come and go without judgement

Movement Meditation
Gentle movements such as gentle yoga, walking, gardening, tai chi, qigong

Progressive Relaxation
Body scans, stress reduction, promoting relaxation

Spiritual Meditation (associated with Hinduism, Taoism, Christianity)
Seeking deeper connection with God/universe

Transcendental Meditation
Quieting the mind, inducing peace and calm with a mantra (traditionally in Sanskrit words)

Vipassana/Insight Meditation
"To see things as they really are," observe thoughts and feelings without reacting to them
Delving into insight and an understanding of reality

Our class practiced more than half of these:
    Compassion/Loving-Kindness Meditation
        "May you be safe, healthy, protected from harm, happy and peaceful"
    Concentration/Focused Meditation
        Listening to sounds around us or feeling of hands as "anchors"
    Contemplation/Visualization Meditation
        Guided mountain meditation
    Mindfulness Meditation
        Focus on the breath, our sitting meditation
    Movement Meditation
        Gentle yoga, gentle stretching, walking, qigong
    Progressive Relaxation
        Guided body scans

CLASS 1:
Introductions "I see you" "I am here"
Create a trusted learning environment
Nine Attitudes:
    non-judgment
    patience
    beginner's mind
    trust
    non-striving
    acceptance
    letting go
    gratitude
    generosity
Mindfulness definition by Jon Kabat-Zinn
    awareness that emerges
    by paying attention
    on purpose
    to the present-moment experience
    non-judgmentally, with kindness and curiosity
The three parts of the present moment
    attention
    intention
    attitude (9 attitudes)
Exercise: Eating of a Raisin
Body scan
    using the 9 attitudes
    noticing that attention is flexible - broad or narrow
    physical body is always in the present even though the mind is often in the past or future
    not visualizing, but sensing messages from the body
    physical sensations can be comfortable, uncomfortable, or neutral
    as long as we're breathing, more is right than wrong
    if falling asleep, gently open the eyes or lift the arms

CLASS 2:
Sitting meditation
    three anchors - breath, sounds, and hands
Standing meditation
    gentle yoga and gentle stretches
Discussion of different perceptions
    story of the goats
    story of the bag of cookies in the airport
    story of Joshua Bell in the Washington Post
    reactivity (automatic) vs. response (chosen)
    perceptions and conditioning shape our thoughts and emotions
    thoughts and emotions mold attitudes, intentions, actions
    repeated actions become habits and behaviors
    behaviors become character
We want to improve awareness, and specifically, awareness of perceptions
What are we missing by moving from doing to doing without pauses for being?
Incorporate mindfulness into regular activities
Notice how you feel during pleasant moments this week

CLASS 3:
Thinking Distortions
    "right" or "wrong" - binary thinking
    "generalizing" - "always" or "never"
    "filtering" - choosing a single negative detail and dwelling exclusively on it
    "jumping to conclusions" - "mind reading" and "fortune telling"
    "catastrophizing" - expecting the worst possible outcome
    "should statements" - deciding how things should be instead of accepting the world
    "labeling" - yourself and others, making people one-dimensional
    "personalization" - everything people do or say is a reaction to you
    "woe is me" - being the victim
    "reductionism" - failure to see complex causes and potential benefits of a stressful experience
Nothing is solid, fixed, or permanent
Assess what things are vs. what they should or could be, not more or less
Notice mindfulness of the body as it relates to feelings of pleasantness or unpleasantness
Notice pleasant moments that are surprising, especially when with loved ones or in nature
Take in the pleasant moments; our brains have a negativity bias
Notice harmless habits and deliberately change them in a playful, curious way
Notice how you feel during unpleasant moments this week

CLASS 4:
Everything we encounter has a feeling tone of pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral
    the body expands, lightens, bounces, smiles with pleasant
    the body tightens, blocks, numbs with unpleasant
    we remember unpleasant experiences more and easily forget pleasant experiences
    it takes courage to be present with the unpleasant without trying to fix the situation
    pleasant experiences can turn unpleasant or neutral, and vice versa
Exercise: Where Do We Hold Stress in the Body?
Scientific body charts of automatic reactions (cortisol) vs. mindful responses (oxytocin)
When we are stressed, our thinking gets distorted, and this becomes a habit
When we become aware of habits that don't serve us well, we can break them
Repetitive body practices help us interrupt this by investigating what is happening in the body
Pain is real; suffering is optional
Resistance (non-acceptance) of inevitable pain creates suffering
Observe habitual automatic stress reactions and behaviors without trying to change them
When noticing pleasant or unpleasant feelings, explore if or how they are affecting your body
Allow the body to tell you what you may be feeling

CLASS 5:
We've been observing physical sensations, but now we will observe thoughts and emotions
STOP tool
    stop what you're doing
    take a few deep breaths
    observe your experience, reflect on physical sensations and emotions
    proceed with something that will support you
RAIN tool
    recognize what is happening
    allow the experience to be
    investigate with kindness
    not personalize it (anger is here, this is how anger feels right now)
Exploring four foundations of mindfulness
    Mindfulness of the body
    Mindfulness of feeling tones (pleasant, unpleasant, neutral)
    Mindfulness of the mind
    Mindfulness of the truths you discover through direct experience
We have the power to interrupt fight/flight/freeze and return to calm/connect by being aware
Notice difficult communication events this week

CLASS 6:
Loving kindness meditation
Walking meditation
Exercise: Mindful Speaking & Listening
When needs are met
    affectionate, friendly, hopeful, grateful, curious, engaged, happy, confident, peaceful, playful
When needs are not met
    agitated, troubled, confused, withdrawn, embarrassed, frustrated, sad, scared, wary, stressed
Communication Styles
    passive/submissive
    aggressive
    assertive
Can we be assertive when our needs are not met?
Ways to Reduce Stress During the Work Day
    take time to be quiet or meditate
    notice tension while driving and let go of it
    drive in silence, drive slowly
    pay attention to your walks
    take time to orient yourself and know where you're going
    use breaks to relax and renew instead of pausing
    stop 1-3 minutes every hour
    use everyday cues as reminders to center
    eat in silence occasionally
    when you park the car, take a moment to orient yourself before entering your home
    change out of work clothes and greet the people you live with
    congratulate yourself on what you've accomplished at the end of the day
Verbal Aikido
    maintain a calm presence
    acknowledge and validate the other person's perspective
    redirect the conversation by finding common ground and seeking a peaceful resolution
    use non-confrontational language (I statements)
Non-Violent Communication
    differentiate observation from evaluation
    differentiate feeling from thinking; express feeling free from criticism/blame
    connecting with universal human needs
    requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we want

Class Retreat:
    9:45 arriving, creating your space
    10:00 getting settled, getting oriented, any q/a before entering silence
    10:15 intention, entering silence
    10:20 qigong
    10:40 sitting meditation
    11:20 movement meditation
    11:50 mountain meditation
    12:20 movement meditation, mindful eating, rest
    1:30 body scan
    2:00 movement meditation
    2:30 forgiveness and loving kindness
    3:15 movement meditation, tea and snack, rest
    3:45 sitting to reflect
    4:00 breaking silence (in small groups)
    4:20 offering gratitude (silent)
    4:25 breaking silence (in large group)
    4:45 preparation for returning to the talking world
    4:50 gathering belongings and leaving the property

Class 7:
Review
    intention, attention, and attitude of kindness, curiosity, and non-judgement
    pausing and breathing helps us reassess
    seek an awareness of the mind and an awareness of perceptions
    rephrase to shift from personal to impersonal
    mountain meditation reminds us of strength and resilience
    forgiveness and loving kindness open our heart to experience freedom from the past
    notice habits, curiously break them to make it easier to break harmful habits
    create your own practice without a guide, be able to practice any time, anywhere
Doing vs. Being
    automatic pilot vs. conscious choice
    analyzing with the mind vs. sensing with the body
    striving vs. accepting
    seeing thoughts as real vs. mental events
    avoidance vs. approaching when unpleasant things visit
    mental time travel vs. remaining in the present
    depleting vs. nourishing activities
Where attention goes, energy flows - bring attention to breath and body
Neurons that fire together wire together - conscious formation of habits
Exercise: Hours of the Day

Class 8:
Practice Elements
    mindful checking in
    balance alertness with ease in posture
    body scan
    mindful yoga
    awareness of breath
    anchoring to the present moment with breath, sounds, and hands
    awareness of pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral tones of our perceptions
    awareness of thoughts and emotions and where they land in our bodies
    forgiveness and reconciliation with the past
    mindful eating using all 5 senses
    mindful walking
    the ability to be mindful for longer periods of time
Themes
    impermanence
    challenge thoughts and perceptions
    look closely at pleasant and unpleasant moments and our reactions to them
    stress has an effect on our health
    being more aware of habitual stress reactivity patterns
    the choice of reacting habitually vs. responding consciously to stress    
    pause to be aware of what is happening
    choose an impersonal narrative
    mindful communication, using assertive non-violent communication styles to make needs known
    awareness of our life activities and if they are nourishing or depleting
    how to live daily lives more mindfully with more kindness and care
The first and most important step in breaking free from a lifetime of stress reactivity
    is to be mindful of what is actually happening while it is happening. - Jon Kabat-Zinn
Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
    In that space is our power to choose our response.
    In our response lies our growth and our freedom. - Victor E Frankl

Personal Reflections:
One thing I learned to love about class was "taking a moment to arrive."
There is no dedicated time in "arriving" for other activities, and it's a very settling practice.
I also really like the way gentle yoga feels.
Paying attention to every day soreness and stiffness and addressing it for a few minutes is a luxury.
I don't like the idea of spending so much time on formal practice, and that's difficult.
I do enjoy meditation in shorter practices.
I also like the idea of processing every day moments in a more present way.
I have been successful with this.
I like the idea of viewing thoughts as mental events that come and go.
Reevaluating perception and thinking distortions is very helpful but challenging.

We heard many poems throughout the course.
One of my favorites, shared by a class member was:

My Brain and My Heart Divorced
by John Roedel

my brain and
heart divorced
a decade ago
over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become
eventually,
they couldn’t be
in the same room
with each other
now my head and heart
share custody of me
I stay with my brain
during the week
and my heart
gets me on weekends
they never speak to one another
– instead, they give me
the same note to pass
to each other every week
and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:
“This is all your fault”
on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past
and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future
they blame each
other for the
state of my life
there’s been a lot
of yelling – and crying
so,
lately, I’ve been
spending a lot of
time with my gut
who serves as my
unofficial therapist
most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage
and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut’s plush leather chair
that’s always open for me
~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up
last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head
I nodded
I said I didn’t know
if I could live with
either of them anymore
“my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,”
I lamented
my gut squeezed my hand
“I just can’t live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,”
I sighed
my gut smiled and said:
“in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,”
I was confused
– the look on my face gave it away
“if you are exhausted about
your heart’s obsession with
the fixed past and your mind’s focus
on the uncertain future
your lungs are the perfect place for you
there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either
there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment
there is only breath
and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out.”
this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves
and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs
I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs
before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said
“what took you so long?”

29 May 2024

Dad & His Cousins

Ruth has a sister named Betty,
who married Harold,
who has a sister named Irene,
who married Bob,
who has a brother named Bill,
who married Ruth.
- Dad

Aunt Patti and Aunt Karen just came to visit Dad in Austin for four days.
Dad ('53) loves Patti ('54) and Karen ('54) tremendously, and he always has.

It's hard to understand how everyone is related unless you have a diagram.
My grandma is blue and my grandpa is red.
Dad is purple.
Karen is green.
Patti is orange.

Click here for the PDF

In Order from Left to Right

06 May 2024

Hallelujah

Malinda is one of my very best friends.  I've known her as long as I've known George; I met both of them right when I moved to Austin in 2008.
During the pandemic, the KLCC choir died in the most literal sense possible.  She and I have been doing what we can to salvage the music scene of this crumbling church, rummaging through old choral scores to see what works for solo voice and what doesn't.  We recently stumbled upon Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, and I said, "Mozart's Light Show uses this.  Do you think we should save it for the holiday season?"  She said, "Oh, everybody uses it for whatever they want.  You could change a few words and make it into a math lesson."  This quickly became an actual creative writing assignment from her to me - Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah, as a math lesson, in three verses.

It's such an iconic song that I wanted to change as little as possible; to not only leave the rhyming patterns, but most of the actual rhymes themselves.  The atmosphere - religious, vague, powerful, artistic.  Flexible in meaning, but actually about something as mundane as the area of a triangle.
If you like this, then why?  But thank her for the inspiration.

George often says, "Why can't we figure out how to make money with that brain of yours?"
I think we all know why.

Now I've heard there was a secret chord 
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor falls, the major lifts
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew her
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, maybe there's a God above
As for me all I've ever learned from love
Is how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
But it's not a crime that you're hear tonight
It's not some pilgrim who claims to have seen the Light
No, it's a cold and it's a very broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Instrumental
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well people I've been here before
I know this room and I've walked this floor
You see I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But listen love, love is not some kind of victory march, no
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
I’ve heard there was a formula
By Heron of Alexandria,
But you don’t really care for quotients, do you?
It goes like this, the height, the width
Just half the base, but all the lift,
The triangle triumphant, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw no squares when you drew the roof
Her angles lay all sorts of ways, you knew her
So you broke her base, and you saw the mess
But two diagonals you’d just been blessed
And from your lips, came forth the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, maybe there’s a God above
Geometry’s my only love
But He made all the angles when he drew you
The triangles he split that night
Made rectangles of equal height
He was cold, and they were broken, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Instrumental
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well people I’ve been here before
I know the height and I’ve walked the floor
You see the space is equal both sides, do ya?
And I’ve seen your sketch with one dark, one light,
And you add them up with the angles Right,
It’s no question that they’re equal, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah

The area of a triangle is 1/2 of the base times the height.
The following graphic from access.openupresources.org sums up what I was going on about.

Leonard Cohen