You can summarize this for Bill later if you want, but he would probably be bored.
At first, Mom had the idea to treat you two to a Korean spa. Everyone thought that was great, so we immediately congratulated ourselves for being nearly done so early.
At first, Mom had the idea to treat you two to a Korean spa. Everyone thought that was great, so we immediately congratulated ourselves for being nearly done so early.
For Max, we decided to throw in an aquarium membership, so we called the Waikiki Aquarium and left a message; what a shining example of efficiency at its finest!
We were back at square one! But of course it was much worse than square one, because so much time had passed. I made a push for a three month membership to Kids City. The committee responded with mixed reviews, and I ultimately decided that it wasn’t great to pressure you into going as much as you can for three months; besides, three months isn’t very long, and you're working half the time. So what started off as inspired quickly spiraled into a hard fail.
As you can imagine, by this point, Christmas was coming just about as fast as your birthday. Gone was the guise of control. Gone was the assumption a river of fresh ideas would continuously flood our email chain.
We know you love shows, but I resisted looking them up because I wanted something that would involve Max. Out of desperation, however, I started browsing, just in case something perfect popped up. And what's that!??! Lo and behold, something perfect really DID pop up!!! Cirque du Soleil! Baby friendly! It was CIRQUE! It was HONOLULU!! It was PERFECT!!!
The whole thing could only be described as a "hard blow."
Oh, this reminds me of a funny thing - at one point in time, I ended up calling Makoto and begging them to take my money for gift cards. They were very calmly like, “Yes, but we don’t do that.” I was like, “PUH-LEASE I AM TRYING TO GIVE YOU THE MONIES!!! AND I AM TRYING SO HARD!!” They were like, “Ma'am, again, yes, but we don’t do that.” All of this while Mom was giggling in the background.
But back to what I was saying. Mom and I start panicking. We’re looking into the 7-11 gift cards, which are somewhat problematic, and amazingly, you call me up to tell me that you want this fancy expensive thing - a branding iron! Hallelujah and the saints be praised! We’re going to figure this out after all! Trying to make sure you won’t make a decision too quickly, I volunteer to help you research. I had absolutely no time or interest in helping with research, but I was using it as a guise to try to get you uninterested. Naturally, I pointed you ONLY to the very best, hoping you’d temporarily lose steam.
As the hours passed, Mom and I started to suspect that all this effort was probably going to go nowhere, and you’d have gotten yourself a cheaper branding iron by Christmas. I held you off the best I could without being obvious, and inevitably, that fell through. Another one into the ashes, as you very well know.
So now I was poring over the Discovery Center and the Bishop Museum, while Mom looked up The Fruit Company (this was expensive and only shipped a measly 4 fruits at a time); Gourmet Gift Baskets (this was a Colorado company that wouldn’t ship to Hawaii); La Tienda (fancy Spanish charcuterie, but we cut it because you don’t eat pork); and House of Mana Up (a Hawaiian gift box company that rose to lead the pack).
The Bishop Museum looked less fun for Max than the Discovery Center, so we nixed it, and I called the Discovery Center several times. They took my information and promised to get back to me, for only a manager could handle something as complicated as a membership. And then they didn’t. I called again. I left my information again. What to do, what to do?
We polled everyone and gave them the choices of the Discovery Center vs. the Hawaiian Gift Box. We got two votes for the Discovery Center and one for House of Mana Up.
The Kids City Gift Card will be emailed to you at 7:00 am on December 26th. It never expires.
The Family Plus Membership I will purchase tomorrow on the 26th, unless you specifically ask me to hold off. Once it’s activated, the year begins. The really cool thing about Family Plus is that in addition to the three of you, you can always bring two free unnamed guests!
I should clarify at this point that we do need to be in touch with potential membership places, because memberships typically begin the moment they’re bought, and they typically contact the recipients immediately. These are two VERY BAD THINGS for a Christmas Committee!
A few days went by, and the aquarium didn’t respond. So I called again. Mom emailed. Nothing. We got kind of annoyed, whispered behind their backs with judgy remarks, and put the idea on hold. But at least we could proceed with the Korean spa! Mom looked into it more carefully, and guess what? The Korean spa in HI actually sucks. Like, I don’t know what more to tell you about it; Mom was like, “They have very low reviews. They are very bad. This is not like Northern Virginia.”
A few days went by, and the aquarium didn’t respond. So I called again. Mom emailed. Nothing. We got kind of annoyed, whispered behind their backs with judgy remarks, and put the idea on hold. But at least we could proceed with the Korean spa! Mom looked into it more carefully, and guess what? The Korean spa in HI actually sucks. Like, I don’t know what more to tell you about it; Mom was like, “They have very low reviews. They are very bad. This is not like Northern Virginia.”
We were back at square one! But of course it was much worse than square one, because so much time had passed. I made a push for a three month membership to Kids City. The committee responded with mixed reviews, and I ultimately decided that it wasn’t great to pressure you into going as much as you can for three months; besides, three months isn’t very long, and you're working half the time. So what started off as inspired quickly spiraled into a hard fail.
As you can imagine, by this point, Christmas was coming just about as fast as your birthday. Gone was the guise of control. Gone was the assumption a river of fresh ideas would continuously flood our email chain.
We know you love shows, but I resisted looking them up because I wanted something that would involve Max. Out of desperation, however, I started browsing, just in case something perfect popped up. And what's that!??! Lo and behold, something perfect really DID pop up!!! Cirque du Soleil! Baby friendly! It was CIRQUE! It was HONOLULU!! It was PERFECT!!!
We were ALL SO EXCITED because this present was better than any of the previous presents; in fact, it was a damn good thing that nothing else had worked out. Right away, I texted Kate. I told her to make up something really lame that you wouldn’t want to go to, but that you would be a good friend about. She came up with wanting to try a new recipe. Stupendous. So all that was left was for her to schedule that with you, and bam, we’d get tickets for that night. I told her it would be so sweet if her family could go, too!
Oh, Tins, I was so proud of myself. What a master plan!!
Then one evening - and we’re talking about what feels like the night before Christmas at this point - you call and casually mention… THAT YOU’RE GOING ALREADY. WITH JAMIE.
MAY DAY MAY DAY MAY DAY!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Mom and I start panicking, while carrying on with the phone conversation as normally as we could possibly manage.
Then one evening - and we’re talking about what feels like the night before Christmas at this point - you call and casually mention… THAT YOU’RE GOING ALREADY. WITH JAMIE.
MAY DAY MAY DAY MAY DAY!!! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Mom and I start panicking, while carrying on with the phone conversation as normally as we could possibly manage.
The whole thing could only be described as a "hard blow."
Moving right along. Coincidentally, you and I had been talking about 7-11 because I was craving "the big chicken thing," so I start looking into 7-11 gift cards. Mom was initially not on board with this, mostly due to the fact that neither of the parental units remembers that your 7-11s are nothing like our 7-11s. After I explain this a few times, they eventually come around. Besides, we had pretty much tried everything else.
Oh, this reminds me of a funny thing - at one point in time, I ended up calling Makoto and begging them to take my money for gift cards. They were very calmly like, “Yes, but we don’t do that.” I was like, “PUH-LEASE I AM TRYING TO GIVE YOU THE MONIES!!! AND I AM TRYING SO HARD!!” They were like, “Ma'am, again, yes, but we don’t do that.” All of this while Mom was giggling in the background.
But back to what I was saying. Mom and I start panicking. We’re looking into the 7-11 gift cards, which are somewhat problematic, and amazingly, you call me up to tell me that you want this fancy expensive thing - a branding iron! Hallelujah and the saints be praised! We’re going to figure this out after all! Trying to make sure you won’t make a decision too quickly, I volunteer to help you research. I had absolutely no time or interest in helping with research, but I was using it as a guise to try to get you uninterested. Naturally, I pointed you ONLY to the very best, hoping you’d temporarily lose steam.
As the hours passed, Mom and I started to suspect that all this effort was probably going to go nowhere, and you’d have gotten yourself a cheaper branding iron by Christmas. I held you off the best I could without being obvious, and inevitably, that fell through. Another one into the ashes, as you very well know.
We polled everyone and gave them the choices of the Discovery Center vs. the Hawaiian Gift Box. We got two votes for the Discovery Center and one for House of Mana Up.
Meanwhile, I was frantically researching My Treehouse Club and the Gymboree 10-class pass. Mom kept almost ordering the Hawaiian Gift Box. Like ten times.
So, what you’re getting for Christmas is….
A Kids City Gift Card ($200)ANDA Family Plus Membership to the Waikiki Aquarium!
The Kids City Gift Card will be emailed to you at 7:00 am on December 26th. It never expires.
The Family Plus Membership I will purchase tomorrow on the 26th, unless you specifically ask me to hold off. Once it’s activated, the year begins. The really cool thing about Family Plus is that in addition to the three of you, you can always bring two free unnamed guests!
So...
Did we do okay?
