Birthing

I took a 5-week hypnobirthing class and typed up all my notes like a dork. I read "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth," including 125 inspiring pages of successful birthing stories. I watched documentaries like "Orgasmic Birth" and "The Business of Being Born" in highly emotional states. I practiced my meditations, did breathing exercises, walked, swam, did squats, and dutifully followed a schedule of uncomfortable perineum massages. Despite loving my pregnancy, I couldn't wait to go into labor.

On January 11th, the due date, I went in for a doctor's appointment.  It was recommended that I return on the 15th, schedule an induction preparation appointment on the 17th, and follow through with the induction on the 18th. I had surrounded myself with materials suggesting that I did not, in fact, need to be medically induced one week after my estimated due date, so I cancelled all those appointments and scheduled an acupuncture session on the 17th instead. Meanwhile, I did just about everything people do that may or may not help "naturally induce" labor. Aside from the acupuncture, I took long walks, ate eggplant and spicy foods, tried a breast pump a couple times a day, took evening primrose oil capsules, drank raspberry leaf tea, and talked to the little one in an encouraging manner.

The baby was extremely active during the acupuncture session on Thursday afternoon. I came home feeling relaxed and hopeful, taking note of occasional contractions throughout the rest of the evening. By the time we were trying to go to bed, I had contractions every 10 minutes throughout the entire night. I kept waiting for them to get closer together, but they didn't. During the day on Friday, I had a very light appetite and went through irregular but strong contractions. I lost my mucous plug in the morning, and we spent the rest of the day hiking through McKinney Falls State Park, walking through Costco and Whole Foods, and settling down for the evening with the BBC tv show "Call the Midwife." I probably should have tried to eat and drink more, but it was a very comfortable day of labor. As we went to bed on Friday night, contractions resumed every 10 minutes with more intensity. I wanted to stay home until my contractions were much closer together, but suddenly I noticed a lot of blood and got worried. We left the house at exactly 12:34 am and were admitted by the hospital at 1:30 in the morning. They said my cervix was 5 centimeters dilated.

I continued dilating quite well throughout the morning. My doctor checked me around 7:00, and I had progressed to 8 centimeters.  They broke my water. Everything looked promising, and by 8:30, I was at 9.5 centimeters. I was told that in just another .5, I could start pushing. And there we were, stuck at 9.5 centimeters. I was offered pitocin twice, and declined. I briefly tried different positions, but only continued to bleed and contract. My cervix was not budging, and I started getting delirious. I had been laboring since Thursday night around 23:00, and it was now 11:30 on Saturday morning. The nurses would come in and talk to me in between contractions but I was too dazed and asleep to understand them. George started getting worried and whispered sweet things in my ear. I was finally starting to get discouraged with the labor. My doctor suggested that my uterus was too tired and recommended the pitocin once more. I agreed, seeing how the last 3 hours had yielded nothing.

They told me I wasn't allowed to push, but the pitocin transformed my contractions into pushing fits every two minutes. Not knowing what to do, I was nearly in tears. An hour and a half later at 13:00, I accepted an epidural, which seemed like the correct decision at that point. Now, I will say that I would have rather delivered this baby without pitocin or an epidural. However, having had the epidural, I would also like to say it is a fabulous drug. I would love to engage in another on a rainy afternoon.

After the epidural kicked in, they upped my pitocin. My contractions were one minute apart, and the strength of them was way off the charts. My cervix wouldn't finish dilating the last .5 centimeter for another two hours. I couldn't believe it. While my contractions were exploding, I was able to spend some good quality time with George and Mom. We just chatted and laughed. I was told to take a nap, but I was so relaxed, it wasn't really necessary. I'm sure I dozed in and out for those two hours, but my mom says I wouldn't stop talking. I started pushing around 15:30, and it was a very special hour. I was extremely relaxed and happy, excited to do a good job. My mom was holding my left leg and George was holding my right as our very healthy, strong son emerged at 16:48.

At this time, we noticed a very large bump on the side of his head. As it turned out, his head hadn't been positioned at the ideal angle, which is what probably stalled the labor in the first place.  In some ways, I can't help feeling like I cheated myself out of my own desires. I pushed with my contractions, but by will instead of instinct. I didn't feel the ring of fire. I didn't push in any of the positions I had envisioned, but in a position that was ideal for the monitor. I had no idea when the placenta came through. I was just relaxed and giggling my way through the end of a 40-hour labor. There was no sense of physical relief when the head emerged, but there was joy. I loved my son from the moment he was conceived, and he made it into my arms as a very healthy baby.