Bartending (2/2)

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Bartending (1/2)

I haven't written in this blog for a while, but it's the holidays, and sometimes, you realize you've forgotten how to make a Tom Collins.  That's a problem, for the same reason it's a problem when you suddenly don't know anything about grammar, or like those times you get curious about how pianos are tuned.  Like, what if you were at a New Years party, and everybody stopped talking about sports and wanted to talk about grammar?  Wouldn't you want to have something to say?

I went to the Texas School of Bartenders in May of 2009.  Like no other student there, I was antisocial and awkward, with limited sex appeal.  But also, like no other student there, I took notes.  While my 40 hour course did provide me with two unpaid shifts at "Club Fuze," these notes are all I have to show for those two weeks.  But I'm okay with that.

Texas School of Bartenders

5555 N Lamar #L-129

Austin TX 78751

AT THE BAR

  Main Sink

  Jockey Box – Steel bin for ice storage

  Speed Racks or Speed Rails – attached to hold wells

  Spill Mat – Rubber mat to hold drinks where ingredients are poured

  Garnish Tray:

    Cherries, Olives, Pearl Onions,

    Lemon Twists, Lime Wedges, Lemon Wedges, Orange Wedges, Orange Wheels

    A Butterfly or Flag is a toothpick through a cherry and half an Orange Wheel.

  Carbonated Speed Gun/Cobra Head:

    C = Cola

    S = Soda

    Q = Quinnine

    L = 7-up

    W = Water

    G = Ginger Ale

  Other:

    Bitters – flavored with roots, barks, herbs

    Grenadine – sweet cherry colored syrup from pomegranate pulp

    Orgeat – almond syrup used in tropical drinks

    Rose’s Lime – concentrated sweetened lime juice

    Sweet & Sour – reconstituted lemon juice, sugar, bar foam

Dual Speed Rack Order

Well (house brands, frequently used, cheapest), Call, Premium, Super Premium

WELL	CALL
Bourbon	Seagrams 7
Scotch	J&B
Vodka	Absolut
Gin	Tangueray
Rum	Bacardi Light
Tequila	Cuervo, Sauza

Cooler Section

  Import and Domestic

    Wines

    Champagnes

    Beers

  Assorted Cordials

    Jagermeister (licorice)

    Rumplemintz (100 proof peppermint)

    Goldschlager (107 proof cinnamon)

    Baileys, Emmet’s, Carolan’s

  Mixes

    Pina Colada

    Hurricane

    Bloody Mary

    Mai Tai

GLASSWARE

Rocks 8 oz – short and wide

Footed Rocks 8 oz – rocks, small stand

Hi-Ball 12 oz – cylinder

Collins 14 oz – taller cylinder

Red Wine 12 oz – wide glass for room to breathe, up

White Wine 12 oz – glass is a little thinner than red (serve chilled), up

Champagne Flute 6 oz – skinny glass to hold in carbonation, up

Tulip Champagne 6 oz – glass bulbs out at top, up

Champagne Saucer 5 oz – shallow flat bowl, up

Margarita Glass 16 oz – glass bulbs out halfway, up

Cocktail or Martini 6 oz – triangular glass, up

Brandy Snifter 17 oz – short bulbous glass, small up

Sour Glass 5 oz – substantial half oval shape, small up

Hurricane 16 oz – large bulbous glass, small stand

Beer Mug 16 oz – like Simpsons

Irish Coffee 12 oz – mug with handle, small stand

Pilsner 10 oz – tall triangular glass, small stand

Sherry 2 oz – triangular shot glass, small up

Cordial 2 oz – double shot glass, small up

Pony 1 oz – thin shot with widened lip, small up

Double Shot 2 oz – fat shotglass

Shot 1 oz – thin shotglass

TALL – taller glass, added mix

DOUBLE – same glass, twice the liquor

SPLASH – splash of mix on top

NEAT – straight shot of liquor or cordial on ice

SIDE/BACK/CHASER – soda, juice, or water to chase down a shot of liquor or cordial

TROPICALS:  Tropical drinks have mostly pineapple and orange juices combined with mostly rum and brandy.  Rum is a product of sugar, sugar cane, or sugar molasses.  Pina Colada Mix is four parts pineapple juice to 1 part cream of coconut (not coconut milk).

ROCKS:  When a train was running behind schedule, a ball would be placed on top of a high pole to signal that the train engineer travel at top speed.  High balls are 2 ingredient drinks that are made quickly in rocks glasses.

Juice drinks have the same ratio as highballs.  Sours do as well, but sour is mixed with liquor in a mixing cup with no ice before it is poured over ice. Tall sours are like regular sours with added mix to fill a taller glass.  Margaritas are sours where Long Island Iced Tea and Tom Collins are tall sours.

UP:  Jerry Thomas was said to have invented the Martinez Cocktail named after a California city where he mined for gold by day and bartended by night.  Vermouth is a fortified wine.  Manhattans are most often ordered “on the rocks” rather than up.  Ice a rocks glass, pour vermouth, then bourbon, add stir stick.  The Manhattan originated in the Manhattan Club in New York at a party celebrating Governor Samuel Tilden’s election in 1874.  It was served by Winston Churchill’s mother, Jenny Churchill.  A Rob Roy is like a Manhattan where scotch is substituted for bourbon.  Dessert drinks are also served up.

CLASSICS:  Classics are usually served on the rocks by pouring both liquors at once or the heaviest liquor poured last.  They can also be made prepared “straight up” by combining liquors in a mixing glass with ice and straining into a chilled stemmed cocktail glass like a Martini.

PARTIES -  plan on 1 drink per hour per person.  50 people, 200 drinks at 25 drinks per bottle = 8 bottles.

Liquors: Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequila, Scotch, Bourbon

Mixes: Sweet and sour, triple sec, cream, dry vermouth, sodas, juices

Garnishes: lemons, limes, cherries, olives, knife, toothpicks and board.

Tools: ice, corkscrew, bottle opener, tins, strainer, jigger, lighter.LIQUOR DICTIONARY

LIQUOR DICTIONARY

CORDIALS

Cordials  are 2.5 – 40% sugar by volume.  Cremes are cordials with such a high sugar content that the consistency resembles cream.  Cordials are made from any base spirit – vodka, gin, rum – and are flavored with fruit, herbs, seeds, or peels through percolation, maceration, distillation, and infusion.

Percolation – spirits are sprayed or poured over fruit; extract percolates down into a vat.

Maceration – fruit is submerged into spirits until flavor is extracted; usually re-distilled.

Distillation – leaves, peels or flowers are distilled in a vat along with spirits.

Infusion – ingredient is heated in liquor for several days; very flavorful but expensive.

Amaretto – Almond, made from apricot pits from Italy

B&B – Benedictine and brandy from France

Bailey’s Irish Cream – Irish whiskey and cream

Carolans – Irish whiskey and cream

Chambord – Raspberries from France

Chartreuse – 130 herbal extracts from France

Crème de Cacao (white/dark) – Chocolate, clear is mild, brown is richer.

Crème de Cassis – Black cherries from France, well version of Chambord

Crème de Menthe (white/green) – Peppermint

Crème de Noyaux - Almond

Curacao – Triple Sec

Cointreau – Premium orange peel with cognac

Drambuie – Scotch and honey from Scotland

Emmets – Irish whiskey and cream

Frangelico – Hazelnuts from Italy

Galliano – Vanilla with licorice from Italy, substitute with Valentino, Florentino, or Neapolitan

Grand Marnier – Premium orange peel with cognac from France

Goldschlager – Cinnamon from Italy, of Swiss origin

Irish Mist – Irish whiskey and honey

Jagermeister – 56 herbs, roots, and fruits from Germany

Kahlua – Coffee from Mexico, substitute with Kamora

Malibu – Coconut and Jamaican Rum from Canada

Midori – Honeydew from Japan

O’Darby’s – Irish whiskey and cream

Ouzo – Licorice from Greece

Razzmatazz – Raspberries USA

Rock & Rye – Rock candy and rye whiskey

Rumple Minze – Peppermint from Germany

Sambuca – Anise from Italy

Schnapps – Peach, Apple, Cinnamon, Strawberry, Watermelon, Peppermint, etc.

Sloe Gin – Sloe berries and gin

Southern Comfort – Fruit, spice, and whiskey from New Orleans

Tia Maria – Coffee from Jamaica

Triple Sec – Orange

Tuaca – Vanilla and citrus, originally from Italy

Fruit-flavored brandies – these are not brandies, but sweetened liquors with a brandy base.

ARMAGNAC, BRANDY, COGNAC

“All Cognac is brandy, but not all brandy is Cognac.”

Brandy is a distillate or mixture of distillates from the fermented juice of wine.

Christian Bros – US

Fundador – Spain

Marques de Domecq – Spain

Metaka – Greek

Presidente – Mexico

Cognac is the finest of brandies known for its smoothness and strong bouquet.  It must be produced in the Cognac Region of France, which is divided into 7 regions with the city of Cognac in the center.  In order of quality, the regions are: Grande Champagne, Petite Champagne, Borderies, Fins Bois, Bons Bois, Ordinaires, and Bois a Terroir.  According to French law, a 3 star Cognac must be aged a minimum of 18 months.  VO is aged 4 ½ years, VSOP has been aged 8 ½ years, and XO Extra Napoleon has been aged at least 5 ½ years.  Some Cognacs are 50 years old.  Abbreviations on Cognac labels: V – Very, S – Special, O – Old, P – Pale, F – Fine, X – Extra, C – Cognac, E – Especial

Hennessey

Remy Martin

Martell

Mumm

Courvoisier

Armagnac is a brandy that comes close to the Cognac standards and is produced in the Armagnac Region, which is divided into 3 regions in order of quality: Bas-Armagnac, Tenareze, Haut-Armagnac.  Unlike Cognac, it is distilled only once in a copper still, which produces a deep color and pungent taste.

WINES, CHAMPAGNES

Major producers of wine are France, Germany, Spain, Italy, Australia, Argentina, and the United States.  Grapes are harvested for wine when their natural sugar reaches 22-24%.  The three classifications of wine are table wine, sparkling wine, and fortified wine.  Sparkling wine should be stored on its side to keep the cork moist and should be served well chilled.  Fortified wine should be stored upright to not damage the cork and served at room temperature.

Table wines are red, white, rose, and blush.  White wine is produced by removing the skin of the grape, and rose wines leave the skin on temporarily.  These wines contain 8-14% alcohol.  Fine wines should be drunk immediately, but cheaper wines can be stored 3 days room temp and 7 days refrigerated.

Chardonnay – dry rich, considered the finest

Carbernet Sauvignon – full dry red

Chenin Blanc – either very dry or very sweet and fruity

Gamay – light fruity red

Merlot – dry red

Pino Noir – light, rich, red, used in Champagne

Riesling – white

Sauvignon Blanc – white, smoky, dry

White Zinfandel – light fruity white

The finest sparkling wine is Champagne.  These are fermented a 2^nd time in the bottle, producing bubbles, and also contain 8-14% alcohol.

Fortified wines are wines with brandy and contain 15-24% alcohol.

Dry Vermouth, Sweet Vermouth, Compari

Ports from the Douro region of Portugal (Tawny Port, Ruby Port, Vintage Port)

Sherry from the Cadiz region of Spain

Madeira from an island off of Portugal

LIQUOR

Whiskey is distilled from fermented mash of grain (corn, rye, barley, malt, wheat) and aged in oak barrels.

American Whiskey

Bourbon – made from at least 51% corn, aged in new charred white oak barrels for 4 years

Rye – made from at least 51% rye

Corn – made from at least 80% corn

Tennessee – seeped through vats of charcoal from maple trees of the TN highlands

Sour Mash – combines mash with residue from base of whiskey still and ferments at least 72 hours

Bottled in Bond – at least 4 years, bottled at 100 proof, produced in 1 distillery, govt supervised

Canadian Whiskey – usually distilled from corn, barley, rye, and aged 4 years; blends are lighter than US

Irish Whiskey – contains distilled spirits at least 3 years old, made from malted and unmalted barley and blended with low mineral content water.  It’s the only whiskey in the world that is distilled 3 times and aged at least 5 years in used sherry casks, and thus retains a clean smooth flavor unlike scotch.

Scotch Whiskey – gets smoky flavor from drying malted barley over peat fires.

Product of Scotland, 80-86 proof and aged 8, 12 or 15 years.

Blended Scotch Whiskey – blends that contain malt whiskey and grain whiskey, aged separately for several years and blended with 30-50 malt and grain whiskies.

Single Malt Scotch Whiskey – unblended malts carry their own flavor, aged 15-25 years

Vodka is made from neutral grain spirits and filtered through charcoal to remove any flavor.  It is colorless, odorless, and tasteless unless flavored and is 80-100 proof.

Gin is made from neutral spirits and redistilled with cinnamon, caraway, lemon peels, roots, fennel, and most importantly juniper berries.

Rum is made from a distillate of a byproduct of sugar cane, sugar molasses, or sugar cane syrup.  Many are produced in the Carribean.  They are commonly light, dark, golden, spiced, or 151.

Tequila is made from the sap of the blue agave plant in Tequilla, Jalisco in Mexico.  Silver Tequila is ordinary, Gold Tequila is aged for less than one year, and Anejo Tequila is aged in used whiskey barrels for 4 years.

BEER

Beers is made from malted grains and hops that are brewed and fermented.  There are lagers and ales.

Lagers are light and aged longer than ales.  The 3 Lagers:

1)  Pilsners are pale lagers.

2)  Bocks are dark, strong, and aromatic.

3)  Malts are 5% alcohol by weight and have a bitter taste.

Ales are full bodie with a hop flavor.  They have a higher alcohol content than lagers.  The 4 Ales:

1)  Bitters are amber and bitter.

2)  Stouts are very dark with a strong malt flavor and thick creamy head.

3)  Porters are rich, bittersweet, and have a coffee flavor.  Less alcohol than stouts.

4)  Pale Ales are lighter and slightly bitter.

FAMOUS BRANDS

VODKA Absolut Belvedere Chopin Finlandia Grey Goose Mezzuluna Smirinoff Stolichnaya Tanqueray Sterling	KENTUCKY BOURBONS Baker’s Basil Hayden’s Blanton’s Single Barrel Bookers Early Times Jim Beam Knob Creek Maker’s Mark Rare Breed Wild Turkey TENNESSEE SIPPING WHISKEYS Jack Daniel’s Geroge Dickel
GIN Beefeaters Bombay Boodles Tanqueray Tanqueray Malaca	AMERICAN WHISKEY BLENDS Calverts Imperial Kessler Seagrams 7
RUM Appleton Estates Bacardi Captain Morgan’s Spiced C.J. Wray Mount Gay Myers Dark Stubbs	SCOTCH WHISKEY SINGLE MALT Cragganmore Dalwhinnie Glenfiddich Glenkinchie Glenlivet Glenmorangie Lagavulin Laphroig Macallan Oban Singleton Talisker
TEQUILA Don Julio Herradura Jose Cuervo Lapis Patron Portfidio Sauza	SCOTCH WHISKEY BLENDS Chivas Regal Chivas Royal Salute Cutty Sark Dewars White Label Famous Grouse H&H Pinch J&B Johnny Walker
BRANDY Christian Brothers Coronet El Presidente Five Star Hiram Walker	IRISH WHISKEY Bushmills John Jameson Muphy’s Paddy’s
COGNAC Courvosier Hennessey Martell Remy Martin	CANADIAN WHISKEY BLENDS Canadian Club Canadian Mist Crown Royal Seagram’s VO-VO

The next post answers that annoying question about how to make a Tom Collins.

Travelling Without George

I don't understand why it takes so long for people to walk onto a plane.  Or put their luggage away or take it out again or walk off a plane.  Especially that - getting off.  Don't we all want to leave?  Don't we like breathing air?

Drakeson and I had to get back to Austin.  Our flight was scheduled to depart Dulles at 10:10 am on Oct 30, so we checked in online precisely 24 hours in advance for an early boarding position.  We got A49, which isn't bad.  We had the flu.
Getting through security is always a pain in the ass, even when you're not carrying a baby with your luggage.  Shoes, my laptop, diaper cream, and sunscreen must be examined.  Whatever.  We got to the terminal, and the incoming flight was an "honor" flight.  That means there were lots of veterans flying into DC, and they required lots of assistance.  And by lots of assistance, I mean they required three quarters of an hour to walk off the plane.  Boarding, of course, didn't begin until after our our plane was scheduled to be on its way to Chicago.  As Drakeson and I were uncomfortably wedged in line at A49, he pooped.  The line didn't move because, as previously mentioned, people take a very long time to board a plane.  The aroma spread from A46 to A53.  With luggage and a diaper bag hanging off one shoulder and Drakeson balanced on my other hip, we very slowly waddled to the front of the gate.  Immediately, the bitch there sent us to the front desk.  "There is not enough documentation for Drakeson."  What the hell was she afraid of?  Did I go to the airport that morning, command the check-in machines to print out something for a baby I didn't have, abduct the first baby I found that looked like me and smelled like shit, just to pull the wool over her eyes?  The front desk took its time.  All of group A boarded.  Most of group B was through by the time we had some other document - one that was so convincing in fact, that this time, we were allowed to ride the plane.
By then, of course, all the aisle seats were taken.  I asked some aisle guy in a suit permission to sit in that window seat.  Uninterested, he went through the ordeal of picking up his computer and putting up the tray and standing and all of that.  You know what Im talking about.  After the rest of the passengers boarded, I flagged down the stewardess and explained that I needed to change a diaper.  She panicked and acted annoyed.  Then she tried to get me to change Drakeson right next to the suit guy, who also panicked and acted annoyed.  I was reluctantly granted permission to use the lavatory, so the suit guy did his ordeal with the computer.  The bloody closet had no changing station so I had to change Drakeson vertically.  He was so angry, he stomped around, making more of a mess.
There was a layover in Chicago.  I carried the bags and the baby from the very end of one terminal to the very end of the other.  It took me forever, but there were still 2 hours to kill.  After about 5 minutes of trying to keep Drakeson off the dirty floor, we decided to go fill his water bottle.  Naturally, my luggage could have been concealing bombs, so I hauled everything over to a water fountain.  That way, Drakeson could throw his full water bottle onto the airport floor.  We were bored.  We made it to the corner snack bar, but nothing was worth getting.  We took two walkways to the next store, which had all the same shit as the corner snack bar.  Fine.  I purchased a grilled veggie wrap for $7.99 plus tax, and it was nearly the worst meal I've ever had in my life.  The tortilla had been sitting in liquid for days and had turned into a paste.  The contents were old and soggy, and coated in more tortilla paste.  I felt the need to eat this, because $7.99 plus tax is not nothing.  Drakeson had no interest in it whatsoever, because it was gross, and because $7.99 plus tax really is nothing.  I had to focus just to keep it down.
We got position A48 from Chicago to Austin, which was good, because Drakeson needed to nurse.  Assuming the flight was going to be full, I asked to sit next to an elderly couple in the front.  Let's call them, "Old bastard and old bitch."  The old bastard asked, "What, is it a full flight or something?"  I said, "I'm not sure.  There were a lot of people behind us."  The old bitch started bitching, and the old bastard started bitching.  That was enough of them.  By this time, all aisle and window seats had been taken.  With no other choice, Drakeson and I squeezed into a middle seat.  I didn't know how the strangers would feel about breastfeeding in such close quarters, but it needed to happen.  Drakeson was too big to lie on his side, so I awkwardly leaned backwards to balance the rest of his body with my knees.  We coughed all over everybody.  The flight took two and a half hours and felt like nine.

Home with Daddy

A Series of Unfortunate Events

I have a very sweet friend named Mary who doesn't have a car.  Her bike currently has a flat tire and needs a basket.
George, Mary and I were supposed to go to a rehearsal last night at 19:00, so I suggested that we meet at a bike shop near our house beforehand.  The plan was for her to load the bike onto the bus, get her bike fixed up at the shop, and we'd pick her up there before rehearsal.
Mary saw a bus come 15 minutes early at 17:30.  The next bus came 15 minutes later with a full bike rack.  She and I were just deciding it might be best for George and me to get her from the bus stop and take care of the bike later, when a bus with a bike rack came.  She got on.  It was 18:00.
George dropped me off at the bike shop 20 minutes later and went to pick up some sandwiches for all of us.  When I couldn't find her, I figured she'd be there in a few minutes.  I texted to see how close she was, and found out she was on the wrong route.  I tried to explain this to her but never heard back.  Her phone had died.
George came back with dinner for three, and I explained the situation.  We stayed at the bike shop until they started closing up.  It was just about 19:00.  We called into rehearsal to cancel the sitter.  I thought it would be a good idea for me to stay at the bike shop while George searched for Mary, but he didn't want to leave me alone.  We all got in the car.  It must have been a few minutes later that she showed up at the closed bike shop with an empty stomach, broken bike and dead cell phone.
George and I called Capital Metro to be put through their phone tree.  The operator "Could not help us."  We drove down the route we believed her to be on, searching frantically for Mary.  After another half hour, we returned to the vacant bike shop.  She had recently begun the lengthy process of carrying her broken bike home on several busses.  George and I did a second sweep of the wrong bus route.  It was 20:00 and Drakeson was hungry.  We went home very worried.  She finally made it back at 20:30, after three hours of lugging around a broken bike.
None of us sang any Brahms.

A Very Long Moment

It seems that I can't wait for things to be over, even when they are great things.  Vacation.  Meals.  Concerts.  Afternoons.  Thursdays.  It doesn't make any sense, because I don't have anything better to look forward to.  In the best of all worlds, I'll just be enjoying another Thursday once the next one passes, but I'll do it in an older body.  Even though this has been the best year of my life, it takes effort for me to "stop and smell the flowers."  This afternoon, however, I had no choice.

It was quiet and sunny.  Drakeson and I were in his room playing with colorful toys when he asked me to rub on his gums.  I took him into our soft green rocking chair, cradled his left cheek with the fingers of my right hand, and pressed my thumb onto his bottom tooth.  He fell asleep as the grooves of my fingerprint traced back and forth over the tiny sharp ridges to the gentle rhythm of our rocking chair.  We were entranced this way for about half an hour, during which time his second tooth emerged.  I continued rocking him and rubbing his new tooth, enjoying the sweet smell, warmth, and relaxed weight of my beautiful sleeping baby.

It was a very long moment, and one worth remembering.

Moments before our moment

Tuning (5/5)

How To Tune a Piano:

A Summary of Chapters 6 and 7 from "Piano Servicing, Tuning, and Rebuilding" by Arthur Reblitz

Part V of V

Yo' Mama's so fat, she can't jump to a conclusion.

Raising and Lowering the Pitch
Sometimes pianos are not well taken care of and go very badly out of tune.  If the strings are rusty, be sure to let each string down until it "ticks" as the rust breaks before trying to tune each string.  If a piano has gone at least a quarter step flat or sharp, it is probably necessary to raise or lower the pitch.  When string tension increases throughout the entire piano, the plate and frame flex a little more, and the bridges and soundboard get pushed further down.  Because of this, a flat piano will remain somewhat flat, and a sharp piano will remain somewhat sharp after a normal tuning.  In these cases, begin with a few rough tunings, spending no more than twenty minutes on each one.  If the piano is flat, the strings are not rusty, the pinblock and bass bridge are in good condition, and you know what you're doing, the pitch can be raised slightly above A440 without damaging the strings for the first tuning.  Aim to go over by about half as many cents as the piano has gone flat.  For example, for a piano that is 50 cents flat, aim the first tuning to be about 20-25 cents sharp.  Similarly, if the piano is 50 cents sharp, aim the first tuning to be about 20-25 cents flat.  When lowering the pitch, taper off the flatness towards the high treble and low bass.  The last half of the highest treble octave should remain at pitch.

Tuning Problems
A false beat is a beat within a single string.  False beats are typically found from the treble break through the middle of the highest octave.  Often, false beats can be corrected by ensuring that the vibrating sections of the strings are well seated at their termination points.  Rusty, kinked, twisted, or overstretched strings can also cause false beats.  To tune a string with false beats, lower the string until real beats are detected, and focus on these while raising the pitch.  Sympathetic beats are very soft, and are caused by ringing in the high treble.  To eliminate them, re-mute the high treble or the duplex string segments.  If one end of the piano goes out of tune while the other end is being tuned, the piano probably has a loose pinblock.  If the pitch doesn't change unless the tuning lever is moved a great deal, the pressure bar may be screwed in too far.  Raising it will help to equalize string tension.  When tuning two pianos together, they should be the same brand and model.  Tune each piano separately, and then compare each note with the help of an assistant.  Additional topics I refuse to cover, but which are included in Reblitz's Chapter 7, are: Tuning the Back Duplex Scale, Tuning the Mason & Hamlin Screw Stringer Piano, Tuning a Piano to an Organ, Tuning a Piano on a Bandstand, and Tuning Victorian Pianos.

Electronic Tuning Devices
Electronic Tuning Devices convert tones into visual patterns.  They are not useful in tuning an entire piano to a set of frequencies, as all intervals must stretched in reality due to inharmonicity.  If a piano were tuned to theoretical frequencies, the treble would be flat and the bass would be sharp.  Therefore, it is necessary to find the inharmonicity of each pitch and compensate accordingly when using an electronic tuner.  Here is one method that will produce acceptable results.
(It sounds difficult to me.)
Calibrate the tuner to A440.  Mute the center section of the piano and tune F2 to the tuner.  Measure the second partial, divide the stretch over the octave by twelve, and recalibrate the tuner sharp by that amount for each pitch in the temperament octave (F2-F3).  To tune the treble, set the tuner for F#3 and play F#2.  The tuner will read the inharmonicity of F#2's second partial.  Recalibrate the tuner so that F#2's partial reads in tune, and then tune F#3 to the tuner.  Tune by octaves with this method throughout the rest of the treble.  To tune the bass, reverse this procedure.  Calibrate the tuner so it is in tune with E3.  Then play E2 and tune it so that its second partial reads in tune to E3.  Continue tuning by octaves this way down through the bass.

Why Pianos Go Out of Tune
The changes in position of the frame, plate, pinblock, tuning pins, bridges, and soundboard can all contribute to a change in string tension, which makes a piano go out of tune.  A decrease in humidity will cause less crown in the soundboard, which will cause the piano to go flat, while an increase in humidity will cause the piano to go sharp.  Temperature changes don't have as strong of an effect as humidity, but they matter.  New piano wire is very elastic, causing pianos to go flat frequently for a few years.  Old pinblocks can lose their grip on tuning pins, causing pianos to go flat.  Also, the louder and more frequently a piano is played, the more out of tune it will become.

If you've made it all the way here from Part I, you deserve one final joke and a drink.  I'll provide the joke.  I loved writing this series, but proofing it was a total bore.  Reading it for the first time would be even worse.

There was once a pianist who was so good, she claimed she could tame wild animals.  People wanted to see if this was true, so they took her into the jungle and set her in a clearing with a piano.  As she started playing, all the rhinos, tigers, elephants, hyenas, warthogs, and so forth emerged and sat down peacefully to listen to the beautiful music.  Then the lion appeared.  He entered the scene, immediately pounced on the pianist, and violently ate her.  An angry monkey approached the lion and accusingly asked, "Why would you do that?"  The lion put one paw behind his ear and responded, "Pardon?"

Tuning (4/5)

How To Tune a Piano:

A Summary of Chapters 6 and 7 from "Piano Servicing, Tuning, and Rebuilding" by Arthur Reblitz

Part IV of V

Did you hear about Francis Augustus, the Potter with a bad temperament?
Even when he made a kil'n, he fired all his employees.


The Potter F-A Temperament:
This temperament spans a M10th, and four pivotal thirds are used to create a foundation.  The three notes above the high-F are tuned in sixths rather than octaves in order to "carry the feeling of the temperament."  Also, because the tuner can use the M6-M3 test to check sixths, one hand is free to remain on the tuning lever.  (With octaves, the M3-M10 test is preferred and requires both hands.)
Again, notes to tune will be orange, and tuning direction will be green.  Checks will be bulleted.

• Lift the dampers and use the temperament strip to mute the outside strings from the C below middle C to the A above middle C.
• Tune A440 to F2 with a tuning fork as in exercise 5.
• Tune low-A to A440
• low-F/low-A 3rd ≤ low-F/A440 10th.
• Tune low-F flat to low-A at about 6.9 bps.
• Tune high-F to low-F.
• C#3/low-F 3rd ≤ C#3/high-F 10th.  I'll call this the M3-M10 test.
• Tune C# (above middle C) sharp to low-A at about 8.7 bps.  We now have four pivotal thirds.
• low-F/low-A 3rd at about 7 bps < low-A/C# 3rd at about 9 bps < C#/high-F 3rd at about 11 bps < high-F/A440 3rd at about 14 bps.
• Tune D sharp to low-F at about 8 bps.
• low-F/low-A 3rd at about 7 bps < low-F/D 6th at about 8 bps < low-A/C# 3rd at about 9 bps.
• low-A/D 4th and D/high-A 5th should sound good.
• Tune A# flat to D at about 9.2 bps.
• low-A/C# 3rd < A#/D 3rd.
• low-F/C# 4th and low-F/C 5th should sound good.
• Tune low-F# flat to low-A# at about 7.3 bps.
• low-F#/low-A# 3rd < low-F/low-A 3rd.
• Tune D# sharp to low-F# at about 8.4 bps.
• low-F/D 6th < low-F#/D# 6th.
• low-A#/D# 4th should sound good.
• Tune B flat to D# at about 9.8 bps.
• low-A/C# 3rd < low-A#/D 3rd < B/D# 3rd.
• Tune low-G flat to B at about 7.7 bps.
• low-F/low-A 3rd < low-F#/low-A# 3rd < low-G/B 3rd.
• low-F/D 6th = low-G/B 3rd.  This is called the M6-M3 test.
• Tune E sharp to low-G at about 8.9 bps.
• low-F/D 6th < low-F#/D# 6th < low-G/E 6th.
• B/E 4th and E/high-A 4th should sound good.
• Tune middle C flat to E at about 10.4 bps.
• low-F/C 5th and C/high-F 4th should sound good.
• low-A/C# 3rd < low-A#/D 3rd < B/D# 3rd < C/E 3rd.
• Tune low-G# flat to middle C at about 8.2 bps.
• low-G#/C# 4th should sound good.
• Test adjacent M3rds, M6ths, P4ths, and P5ths.
• Check all M6-M3 tests.
• Tune high-F# sharp to low-A.
• Check 3rds, 4ths, 5ths, M6-M3, and M3-M10.
• Tune high-G sharp to low-A#.
• Check 3rds, 4ths, 5ths, M6-M3, and M3-M10.
• Tune high-G# sharp to B.
• Check 3rds, 4ths, 5ths, M6-M3, and M3-M10.

And that is the end of setting the temperament.  We'll conclude Part IV by covering a few basic principles on how to finish the midrange, treble and bass sections.
In the midrange, tune the center strings to the temperament by octaves up to the treble break, where the agraffes stop.  Then tune the center strings down into the low part of the treble bridge.  Check to make sure that ascending adjacent M10ths smoothly increase in beat rates.  After this, unmute one string at a time by releasing the temperament strip from left to right, and tune the unisons.  Always listen to all three strings of each trichord together, and use wedge mutes as needed.
The high treble can be muted with a narrow temperament strip or wedge mutes.  Again, tune the center string of each trichord first.  The high treble is more difficult, because it takes less movement from the lever to change pitch, and the tone dies more quickly.  Test each pitch with adjacent M10ths, double octaves, and M17ths.  Double octaves will sound flat if the high treble is not stretched enough, but if they are tuned too sharp, they will beat.  Also, because the notes surrounding the treble break are often less stable, they should be rechecked after six to eight higher notes have been tuned.
The low bass strings create partials that are close to the fundamentals of higher notes on the keyboard.  (The fundamental creates the unison, the second partial coincides with one octave higher, the third is an octave and a fifth, the fourth is two octaves, the fifth is two octaves and a third, and the sixth is two octaves and a fifth.)  The third and higher partials will create beats, and these intervals should be compromised so that none sounds very bad.  As the pitches get lower, use P5ths, M10ths, and M17ths to test beat progressions.  Once those get "muddy," use M17ths only, and in the lowest octave, use two octaves plus a third and two octaves plus a fifth.  A nice way to check the accuracy of bass notes is to listen to the bass note with its major chord in second inversion played above it.  For example, if C is the bass note, the chord played above it would be GCE.

Only one more part to go!

Folks in Austin II

My parents were here in October to see our first home, again in January around the due date, and back in April to spend time with their grandson.  It's been wonderful.
I picked Bà and Ông up from the airport the evening of Wednesday the 17th.  Their flight was delayed past Drakeson's bedtime, but the next morning he was all theirs.  George and I used a giftcard from my brother-in-law Warren to get professional massages for the first time.  As if the day couldn't get any better, the four of us took the little guy to his first class at the Emler Swim School, and finished the evening with incredible pizza at Pieous.

Swim Class

Kicking

The next day Mom and I did a little shopping for her friends.  Dad stayed home with the baby and spoiled him rotten.  Apparently, Drakeson didn't like "turns," so Dad held him and walked in gentle curved paths all over the house for half an hour.
It was also Drakeson's three-month birthday.  We celebrated by getting our pictures taken in the mall and having a picnic for dinner at Barton Springs.  More mall photos are posted in Drakeson's blog.

Ông & Bà

Precious

Birthday Picnic

On Saturday, Mom and Dad helped George make beer all morning.  Dad and I had a date to see "A Prairie Home Companion" that afternoon, and we were in row F of orchestra seating.  In other words, it was awesome.  After fighting downtown traffic, Dad and I arrived home to a comforting meal of clay pot fish and rice.  Sunday was a little busier.  Mom and Dad came to the church I play for.  Dad brought in a lovely piece of music called "Appalachian Lord's Prayer" written by Rick Sowash for the Harvard University Choir in 2010, and the church choir performed it.  I took Dad to swim a few laps at Stacy Pool, and then all five of us visited Mount Bonnell (lookout) and Camp Mayfield (peacocks).  That evening, my brother-in-law Zach and his girlfriend Rose came over for Mom's shrimp and crabmeat soup.

Peacock

I messed up the waffles on Monday with too much baking soda.  Not only were they awful, but the back of the waffle iron is still a mess.  They were soggy, burnt, and tasted like play-doh.  Mom, Dad, Drakeson, and I walked to the South Austin Recreational Center Playground in the morning.  The afternoon was filled with "Books and Babies" at the library and a short hike on the West Bouldin Greenbelt.  George joined us for a relaxing dinner at the Blue Dahlia Bistro.

Ông & Carrier

Ông on the Slide

Old Hat

Hereditary

Smiling at Ông

And that brings us to today.  In the morning, we went to Barton Springs before warming up with breakfast tacos and a black and white movie called "Woman of the Year."  We lounged at Mozart's Coffee overlooking the water and took one last walk around Town Lake.

A Little Chilly

Good-byes are never fun!!!

Tuning (3/5)

How To Tune a Piano:

A Summary of Chapters 6 and 7 from "Piano Servicing, Tuning, and Rebuilding" by Arthur Reblitz

Part III of V

We'll begin Part III with another joke and a few terms that will help us begin tuning.
A young couple found themselves in financial distress and decided that the lady would take up prostitution.  After her first day on the streets, she came back with $100.50.  Her husband said, "That's strange.  Who gave you fifty cents?"  She replied, "Why, all of them, of course."

A cent is one hundreth of any half step, regardless of register.  Cents provide a way to describe how out of tune a pitch is, without any reference to hertz.
There are a few different ways of identifying piano keys.  In the American system, the lowest 4 notes are labeled A0, A#0, B0, and C1.  In the European system, the first full octave is labeled A1, A#1...G#1.  Either way, the the highest (88th) key is labeled C8.  A's, A#'s, and B's have different octave numbers in these systems.
The tools required to tune a piano are a tuning lever to turn the pins, a tuning fork to find A440, and a felt temperament strip and wedge mutes to mute selected strings.  The tip of the tuning lever should fit snugly over the pin and nearly reach the coil of the wire.  The handle of the tuning lever should be parallel to the strings while extending away from them.  Looking downwards at a grand piano, this position is about 5 o'clock.  Because tuning pins are made of steel, which is fairly elastic, the top of the pin can be twisted without rotating the entire pin.  Twisting won't yield as stable a tuning as rotating.
Because tuning pins always flex a little bit, each pin should be tuned sharp and then eased back into its correct position; this procedure is called setting the pins.  Also, because the string crosses several points of friction in a piano, it's important to try to equalize string tension by forcefully striking the key during each movement of the lever.  The procedure of playing loudly while tuning, using increasingly smaller turning movements until the string remains stable, is called setting the strings.

Tuning exercises:
1.  "PURPOSE: To gain a feel for the tuning lever, and to learn to hear beats."
Find the A above middle C.  Lift the dampers with the sustain pedal to protect the damper felt, and then mute the right string.  Put the tuning lever on the left string and slowly lower the pitch, listening to the speed of beats increase until you hear two pitches.  Then reverse directions and tune the string slightly sharp, so that as you release the push, the pin settles in tune.  If the pin is very tight, it might be necessary to move the lever back and forth with increasingly small movements until the pin is in tune when untwisted.  Remember to always detune strings flat, move the tuning lever smoothly, and equalize string tension.  After the left string is in tune with the center string, mute it and practice on the right string.  Leave the center string alone as a reference point.

2.  "PURPOSE: To tune any unison beatless."
Find the A below middle C.  Tune the outer strings to a unison and continue chromatically up to C8.  Higher pitches are more difficult to tune because they require smaller movements, the sound fades more quickly, and higher strings have more false beats.  Once the treble is tuned, begin again with unisons from the G# below middle C and continue downwards.  When you reach the bichords, detune and tune the left string only.  Remember to always leave a reference string untouched, and do not tune the monochords.

3.  "PURPOSE: To learn to tune octaves."
Mute the two outer strings of F above middle C.  Tune the center string beatless to the F an octave down.  Continue tuning octaves chromatically up to C8, and then tune the E above middle C to the octave below it.  Continue downwards to the second lowest A.  High and low octaves are harder to tune than middle octaves.  Lower octaves have simultaneously occurring beats, and if one of these is corrected, the other will beat too quickly.  Try to tune lower octaves so that each of these beats are slow.

4.  "PURPOSE: To learn to judge the speed of beats."
To train yourself to hear beats at 7 beats per second (bps), think in sixteenths at a quarter to 105 on the metronome.  For 8 bps, use 120, and for 9 bps, use 136.

5.  "PURPOSE: To learn to tune A440 to the tuning fork."
Play F2 with the A440 tuning fork and memorize the beat rate.  Mute the outer strings of the A above middle C, and tune the center string against F2 to the same beat rate.  Notice that the F does not need to be in tune.  Clever!

6.  "PURPOSE: To learn to set three important temperament intervals to beat at the correct speeds."
Lift the dampers and use the temperament strip to mute all of the outside strings from the F below middle C to the D above.  The A below middle C will be the reference pitch.  Tune F to A so it is beatless.  Next, widen the 3rd by flattening the F until there are 7 bps.  From this F, tune the D beatless.  Widen the 6th by raising the D until there are 8 bps.  From the D, tune A# beatless, and then widen the 3rd by flattening the A# until there are 9 bps.  Check and compare beat rates.

It is time to try tuning the temperament.  I don't have permission to talk about the Defebaugh F-F temperament, but who's really still reading?  Also, "at least twenty-five schools where piano servicing is taught use this [Reblitz] as a text," so the Defebaugh isn't exactly the world's best kept secret.  Notes to tune will be orange, and tuning direction will be green.
Remember, the tuning direction should always match the theory that P5ths are narrow, and M3rds, P4ths, and M6ths are wide.  Also, bps rates should always increase in ascending adjacent intervals.

• Lift the dampers and use the temperament strip to mute the outside strings from the F below middle C to the A above middle C.
• Tune A440 as in exercise 5.
• Tune the low-A flat to A440 as a "slightly wide 4:2 octave."  In other words, tune the 4th partial of the low-A flat to the 2nd partial of A440.  (Seriously?!?)  You can check by comparing the beats from low-F to both A's; the 3rd should beat 1/2 bps slower than the 10th.
• From low-A, tune low-F, D, and A# as in exercise 6.
• Tune C# sharp to low-A with a slightly slower beat than the A#/D 3rd.
• Tune the low-G# flat to C#, but less than 1 bps.
• Tune C sharp to low-G# with a slightly slower beat than the A/C# 3rd.  Check: the low-F/C 5th should be 1/2 bps narrow.
• Tune low-F# flat to low-A# slightly faster than the low-F/low-A 3rd.  Check: the low-F#/C# 5th should be 1/2 bps narrow, and slightly faster than the low-F/C 5th.
• Tune D# sharp to low-F# slightly faster than the low-F/D 6th.
• Tune B flat to D# slightly faster than the low-A#/D 3rd.  Check: the low-F#/B 4th should be no more than 1 bps wide, and slightly faster than the low-F/A# 4th.
• Tune low-G flat to B so that the beats fit between the low-F#/A# and the low-G#/C 3rds.  Check: the low-G/C 4th should be no more than 1 bps wide, and slightly faster than the low-F#/B 4th.  Also, the low-G/D should be about 1/2 bps narrow and slightly faster than the low-F#/C# 5th.
• Tune E sharp to low-G slightly faster than the low-F#/D# 6th.  Check: the beats of C/E, B/E, and A/E should fit smoothly into their adjacent interval tests.
• Tune high-F sharp to low-G# slightly faster than the low-G/E 6th.  Check: the beats of C#/high-F, C/high-F, and A#/high-F should fit smoothly into their adjacent interval tests.  Also, the F/F octave should sound good.
• Check the entire temperament by listening to all adjacent M3rds, M6ths, P4ths, and P5ths.  For each of these, the bps should increase smoothly as they ascend.
• Another check is called "inside thirds and outside sixths."  For this, start with the low-F/D 6th, and compare the beats to the low-G/B 3rd.  The 6th should beat the same or a little faster than the third.  Repeat this test chromatically three more times to cover the rest of the temperament.

Cliffhanger:  In Part IV, without permission, we will learn something about the Potter F-A Temperament!

Tuning (2/5)

How To Tune a Piano:

A Summary of Chapters 6 and 7 from "Piano Servicing, Tuning, and Rebuilding" by Arthur Reblitz

Part II of V

We left off making fun of tuners, so just to clear the air, here's a joke about all of us.
Q:  What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A:  A large pizza can feed a family of four.

In 1925, it was agreed that the international pitch standard, or tuning standard, would be A440, which means the A above middle C would be tuned to 440 hz.  And so it is.  Because octaves have a 2:1 frequency ratio, the A above A440 is A880, and the A below is A220.  To find the twelve theoretical frequencies of the halfsteps within an octave in an equal temperament, the lower frequency is multiplied by some number, x, twelve times in a row, generating these frequencies and ending one octave higher.  Because we know the ratio of octave frequencies is 2:1, it follows that x must be the twelfth root of 2.  Just as the "cubed root of 2" is the name of the number that results in 2 when multiplied by itself 3 times, "the twelfth root of 2" is the name of the number that results in 2 when multiplied by itself twelve times.  Perfect.

In addition to the 1:1 unison and the 2:1 octave, there are other just frequency ratios, some of which are: P5th - 3:2, P4th - 4:3, M3rd - 5:4, and m3rd - 6:5.  For equal temperament, however, a P5th is 2^(7/12):1, a P4th is 2^(5/12):1, etc.

The twelfth root of 2 is about 1.0594631.  These are some theoretical frequencies of notes near middle C, calculated with 1.0594631 and 110/220/440.  Notice that because they are generated through multiplication instead of addition, the difference in frequencies between adjacent halfsteps increases as the pitches get higher.
F 174.614
F# 184.997
G 195.998
G# 207.652
A 220.00
A# 233.082
B 246.942
C 261.626 (Middle C)
C# 277.183
D 293.665
D# 311.127
E 329.628
F 349.228
F# 369.994
G 391.995
G# 415.305
A 440.00

When tuning a piano, one begins with an octave near middle C called the temperament octave, or temperament.  If just intervals (with the exception of the octave) are used in tuning, some intervals sound out of tune and cause fast annoying beats.  The idea behind equal temperament is that every interval except the octave is a little out of tune, with a slow beat between nearly coincident partials.  To find the theoretical number of beats between any two notes, find the partials that are closest and take the difference.  For example, we know that a just P5th has a 3:2 ratio, so the frequency ratio of middle C to the G above it should be close to 3:2, and the third partial of C should be very close to the second partial of G.  The frequency of middle C is 261.626, so its third partial is 784.878.  The frequency of the G above middle C is 391.995, so its second partial is 783.990.  The difference is about .88 beats per second.  Notice that the G came out a tiny bit flat.  In equal temperament, P5ths are narrow, and M3rds and M6ths are wide. It follows then, that P4s are wide, and m6ths and m3rds are narrow. Here are some theoretical beat rates per second in the F-F octave encompassing middle C.
Minor Thirds:
  F-G# 9.42
  F#-A 9.98
  G-A# 10.58
  G#-B 11.20
  A-C 11.87
  A#-C# 12.58
  B-D 13.33
  C-D# 14.12
  C#-E 14.96
  D-F 15.85
Major Thirds:
  F-A 6.93
  F#-A# 7.34
  G-B 7.78
  G#-C 8.24
  A-C# 8.73
  A#-D 9.25
  B-D# 9.80
  C-E 10.38
  C#-F 11.00
Major Sixths:
  F-D 7.93
  F#-D# 8.40
  G-E 8.89
  G#-F 9.42

Remember how wire stiffness creates inharmonicity by generating sharp partials?  Here's a comparison of the frequencies of theoretical harmonics and some actual measurements from the lowest C on the piano.  Interesting.
Theoretical/Actual Measurement
Fundamental 32.703/32.703
2nd Partial 65.406/65.523
3rd Partial 98.109/98.401
4th Partial 130.812/131.434
5th Partial 163.515/164.779
6th Partial 196.218/198.435

As you can see, the difference between theory and reality increases with each partial.  Therefore, when octaves are tuned, they will turn out differently when comparing the 4th partial of the lower note to the 2nd partial of the upper (a 4:2 octave) or the 6th partial of the lower note to the 3rd partial of the upper (a 6:3 octave).  Because the octave is always sharp, all intervals within the temperament should come out a little sharp of their theoretical calculations.  And to make matters worse, every note has its own inharmonicity, and therefore different pianos create different coincident partials.  With the exception of A440, there are no standard frequencies or even beat rates.  How complicated!

Cliffhanger:  In Part III, we will learn something about the Defebaugh F-F Temperament!

Tuning (1/5)

How To Tune a Piano:

A Summary of Chapters 6 and 7 from "Piano Servicing, Tuning, and Rebuilding" by Arthur Reblitz

Part I of V

All good mommies have to take breaks from kissing their babies to do other things, like get manicures, continue promising careers, or learn something about piano tuning.  Because I don't have nails or a career, I decided to start opening my tuning book during Drakeson's afternoon naps.  After 2 pages of "Tuning Theory and Terminology," I was smitten.  I'm probably not the only mommy without nails or a career, so for the rest of us out there, this is for you.

When something vibrates, it causes the surrounding air vibrate, and our eardrums process these vibrations as sound.  When the vibrations are irregular, we hear noise.  When the vibrations are regular and within the range of human hearing, we hear a musical tone.  The vibration speed, called frequency, is measured in cycles per second called hertz or hz.  The higher the hz, the higher the pitch.  When all other factors are equal, wires that are shorter, thinner, or under more tension produce higher pitches.  Also, stiffness is measured by ratio of shortness and thickness.  Stiffer wires are also higher.

When a wire vibrates, it simultaneously divides itself into 2 vibrating halves, 3 thirds, 4 fourths, and so on.  It's difficult to imagine, so here's a picture.  A vibrating wire does all these things at once.

The imaginary pitch on the left of the picture is called the fundamental or the first partial.  While we are listening to this imaginary fundamental, we can also more softly hear the second pitch in the diagram, called the second partial or first overtone.  The frequency of either half is twice that of the fundamental.  For the third partial or second overtone, the sound is softer than the second partial, and the frequency of each third is three times as fast.  Etc.  A harmonic is a frequency that is an exact multiple of the fundamental.  Theoretically this is every partial, but in reality, wire stiffness causes partials to be inexact, and the difference between the two is called inharmonicity.

Aside: The first diagram creates a unison with the fundamental frequency.  Because the next diagram has twice the frequency, the pitch sounds one octave higher.  The third sounds a fifth and an octave above, the fourth two octaves above, and the fifth a major third and two octaves above.

If two wires that are tuned to the same pitch are struck at the same time, the resulting sound is louder due to constructive interference.  If they are not synchronized, however, they will produce a softer tone due to destructive interference.  Let's assume one wire is tuned at x hz, and a second wire is tuned at x+4 hz.  The second string will vibrate 4 more times than the first in one second, and the vibrations of both strings will be synchronized 4 times.  Those times, which are louder than the rest of the second, create periodic shifts in volume called beats.  Beats occurring more than 15 times a second are difficult to hear, and the sound is instead interpreted as two distinct pitches.  Partials and fundamentals can each cause beats if the frequencies are close.  The goal of tuning a piano is to create the fewest beats when any combination of pitches is played.

Reblitz goes on to teach note names and define intervals, but all my friends know that part.  If you don't and you would like to, just give me a call.  What we didn't know, however, is that tuners like unisons, M2nds, m3rds, M3rds, P4ths, P5ths, M6ths, 8ves, M10ths, P12ths, P15ths, and M17ths.  Adjacent or successive intervals are the same interval starting a half step apart (C-E, C#-F).  Contiguous intervals are the same interval with one overlapping pitch (C-E, E-G#).  When there are three or more contiguous intervals, they are called stacked (C-E, E-G#, G#-C).  This brings me to the final point of our first lesson.  Tuners call all the black notes sharps and don't believe in flats.  They also do things like call diminished fourths major thirds.  They keep us in tune, though, so let's forgive them.  See you in Part II.

Worst Mommy

In general, I think I'm a pretty good mommy.  I feed our little bugger any time he asks, hold him, talk to him, change him, take him on walks, protect him from the elements, and give him too many kisses.  But last night, for about half an hour, I was the worst mommy.
George was on an overnight shift, and Drakeson fell asleep around 20:00.  Had George been home, he would have convinced me to go to sleep immediately, but on my own, I took advantage of the opportunity and called an old friend I had been meaning to catch up with.  We had been talking for about two hours when Drakeson started stirring.  I got off the phone to take care of him, but he had already fallen back asleep.  As I brushed my teeth, I convinced myself that I should change his diaper since it had been a couple hours.  And since changing his diaper would wake him up anyway, I decided to feed him first so he would have a nice, full belly.  There is nothing Drakeson loves more than milk, so in a tired daze, he ate.  And he ate and he ate.  I was looking down and admiring my happy little angel when he startled us both by hurling milk all over the bed.  Now he was fully awake in a cold, wet nightie with vomit in his mouth and a dirty diaper on his ass.  I scooped him up and went into his room to pick out clean clothes, which gave him enough time to panic and get congested.  Because he was congested, he couldn't breathe unless he was screaming, so I put him down and cleaned out his nose with saline solution and a suction bulb.  Nobody likes being on either end of that process.  I changed his diaper, which made him cold.  I took off his wet nightie, which made him colder.  So imagine you were fast asleep when some giant person force-fed you until you threw up, put salt water up your nose, and took off all your clothes as you shivered.  That person would be the worst mommy.
After his new nightie was on, I wanted to bounce him on the exercise ball, which always calms him down.  Strangely enough, it wasn't in our room.  I put Drakeson down and ran out to the living area.  Drakeson screamed (and rightly so), for now on top of everything else, he had been abandoned.  The ball wasn't there, so I came back in the bedroom and looked again, to no avail.  After a few minutes of running around, I realized George had stolen it, locked it in the garage, and convinced me to turn on the house alarm.  So I ran back out, messed with the stupid alarm, and finally got the ball back into our room.  Drakeson and I were both totally pissed.

Earlier that Day (24 Feb 13)

Generous

When George and I started planning for our dragon baby, we didn't think about presents.  During the pregnancy, I bought Drakeson a pumpkin hat and a package of white socks.  Little did we know, I could have held off.  At one month in, we've written no fewer than 45 thank-you notes, most of which address multiple gifts.  Add a few sources of hand-me-downs in perfect condition, and we've easily accumulated thousands of dollars of spectacular baby gear: clothing, dishes, electronics, towels, toys, etc.  And let's not leave out the food and visits we've had the pleasure to receive.  We've given away an extra tummy time gym, and sling carrier, and exersaucer because we had duplicates.  We have a (new) hamper that's filled with blankets that won't fit in our extra blanket drawer.  In fact, we've been receiving gift cards due to the fact that we have everything.
Then my friend (Drakeson's girlfriend) and her husband came to visit from France.  Of course, she had brought about ten onesies, a hat, mittens, booties, and two stuffed dragons for her boyfriend.  She and I have known each other for the past 25 years.  After a couple of days in our house, she asked me why I don't have a rocking chair.  As it turns out, Drakeson already liked being bounced on the exercise ball, rocked in his vibrating chair, and swung in his electric swing.  I wasn't sure we needed another piece of furniture just to move him around.  Gliders are wonderful to use, but they're big and bulky.  Rocking chairs are pretty, but don't look very comfortable.  There was only one rocker I was interested in, but I could get a nice glider for half the price, so I didn't commit to it.  I was thinking about letting Drakeson's girlfriend talk me into buying it, when she and her husband did a crazy thing - they bought it behind my back.  With the matching ottoman.
George and I are overwhelmed by everyone's generosity.  With how spoiled Drakeson is, you would think only a few special humans started out as babies.  So to everyone in our lives, whether you have sent a card, dropped by for a visit, or bought us a rocking chair, thank you for your interest in our little Drakeson.  And don't worry; we won't expect a thing for our second baby.  We already have everything anyway.

Best Smile

There was a man at the church I play for who had the best smile.  He and his wife were two of a small number of regulars who came every Sunday.  On Monday, during a triple bypass surgery, he died.

The man's wife requested that I play one of his favorites, Mark Hayes' arrangement of "I'll Fly Away" by Albert Brumley, during his funeral this morning.  Sundays will never be the same.