Eanes Elementary & Valley View

I'm a bit of a mess.
Drakeson started first grade, and my little baby Milli, who has never really been away from me, started the PPCD program at Eanes Elementary this morning.  Don't worry about her - she was more than ready to go.  Worry about me.  I know my children are being showered with attention and well-planned educational activities, I have my first day to myself in nearly 7 years, and I'm the one who has probably cried at least 10 times already.  I thought the best way to combat my separation anxiety was coffee, and I assure you, it's not.

It's time for another snapshot.

Drakeson is extremely active, optimistic, talkative, and fun-loving.  He'll say and do almost anything to get a laugh from his peers.  Although he has the the visual spacial skills to safely navigate himself across any playground the most dangerous way possible, he also lacks the common sense to stop spinning around to avoid bumping into other people.  He insists on keeping his long hair, so we're going to try to put it up this year.  I think this is a bold move, because while little boys with long hair are common enough, little boys with ponytails are truly rare.  He loves hugs.

By default, Milli is drawing, "writing," softly singing songs to herself, or secretly getting into trouble.  As the baby of the family, she gets away with too much.  She's matter-of-factly sexist against all men (exceptions include swim coaches Aaron Bond and Ian Crocker) and prefers all things marketed to girls and women.  Pink, princesses, unicorns, ruffles, little animals, you name it.  In other words, all the things I kept her away from as a baby "until she showed me who she was."  Well, now we know.

Here are a few of my favorite current words from each of them.

Drakeson:
villy villy - really

  ex. No, for real life, I was villy villy trying to!

lellow - yellow

  ex. MOM LOOK!  I found a lellow Beetle Bug.
opposed - supposed

  ex. That's what I'm opposed to do!  How is that not what I'm opposed to?
cardiomacimia - cardio cinema

  ex. What did you see at the cardiomacimia today?
goed - went

  ex.  Member when we goed to Disney World?
gooder - better

  ex.  Can I have hot sauce and a spoon to mix it up?  It's villy gooder that way.
ah-sponsibow - responsible

  ex.  But Mom, can I please go to the park?  I'll promise to be ah-sponsibow.
oweme - only
  ex.  Milli, you can oweme have one cakeball.  Oweme one!
trickster - magician
  ex.  Mom, will there be any tricksters on AGT tonight?  I just villy villy love the tricksters.
regleeyar - regular
  ex.  Do we haffa go to bed at our regleeyar time today?

Milli:

I'm yuff - I love

  ex. I'm yuff baby unicorns.

yook - look

  ex.  Yook!  Yook!  (puts both hands on your cheeks and moves your head) Yook!
A yo - Ariel

  ex. I'm yuff A yo.
member yehshawday - Do you remember any time in the past

  ex. Member yehshawday when we went to the place with the yellow grass and the froggie and the      big slide and the tongue of the froggie and we went into the water?
sun cream - sunscreen

  ex. Mama, did you pack sun cream for me?
panno - piano
  ex.  I want you to be my teachaw with panno.
kwuh - squirrel
  ex.  Mama, yook!  Yook!  I saw a kwuh.

Daysssin - Drakeson

  ex. I don't want to share with Daysssin.

jussayiddowbitmo - just a little bit more
  ex. Other muck.  Jussayiddowbitmo.
her - she
  ex.  Fennis baby wears pink and boo.  If her throws up on you, her doesn't care.

 New Gear

 Another Pose

Yes, I actually got them up early for this. 

 And they didn't smile for every single picture.  I took, like, 100.

My favorite out of 100.

 Okay, last one.

 Wait, let's do a close up.

 We still have three minutes, and it's not too dark outside.

But what if some day I wanted to see what shoes you were wearing?

(I told you I'm a bit of a mess.)

AWKRATZKE

Aunt Mary took Grandpa into urgent care on July 30th.  Two days later, we found out that he had cancer, and the oncologist gave an estimate of one to two months.  The next day was August 3rd, and Uncle Steve brought him back home to Aunt Mary's house.  My dad arrived on the 4th, and watched Grandpa's health decline very rapidly.  I packed up the kids, and our trip lasted from the morning of the 8th through the morning of the 9th.

It was such a short time, but each moment was so important.  For this reason, my memories have broken themselves up into distinct episodes.  I'll record them that way.

Dad picked us up from the airport, and we stopped next door at the Edmonds Ferry.  Dad chased after Drakeson as he got dirty and wet, leading them both in an imaginary fishing expedition.  When Milli understood that the ferry could carry 200 cars over water, she was amazed.  Drakeson, on the other hand, was too busy with the expedition to pay much attention to the ferry at all.

We returned to Aunt Mary's house, where we were lovingly greeted by Grandpa, Uncle Dave, Aunt Mary, Emily, and Jessica.  Grandpa asked Drakeson and Milli all about their favorite activities and admired Milli's hair.  He was happy to take their hugs and kisses, and he didn't mind me taking pictures in the least.  The reunion of a 96 year old man and his 6 and 3 year old great-grandchildren was heartwarming to say the least.

A little later on, he was having some difficulty speaking, so he placed a piece of paper in my hands.  Upon examination, I realized that it was a program for his memorial service, all planned out.  When I told him I would love to play for it, his face lit up.  Although he was very tired, he was sharp as ever and had no trouble making jokes.

Emily and Jessica were preparing dinner for the party that evening, and I helped them with the fruit salad.  Before long, they were busy giving the kids all the attention in the world, taking them outside to play with beanbags and blocks.  Dad wheeled Grandpa out to the front facing windows, where he watched his grandchildren play with his great-grandchildren all afternoon.  Grandpa dozed off several times but stayed in high spirits, mentioning his "good tickets" and "the best seats in the house."

The kids and I were exhausted, so we went to Aunt Myla's for a nap before the party.  When we returned, Aunt Patti, Uncle Wendel, and Aunt Irene had joined Aunt Mary, Uncle Dave, Aunt Myla, Dad, and Grandpa.  It wasn't long before Maddie, Matt, Erik & Lindsey, and Karl arrived.  Dinner ended with two birthday cakes and everybody singing "Happy Birthday" to Emily and me.

Shortly afterwards, Grandpa lost consciousness.  My generation, the kids, and Aunt Myla came back to her house to watch Toy Story 2 and chat as the rest got sorted out.  My cousins are so easy to be around; we were all shaken up, but thankful for each other's company.  Grandpa was doing better, so we came back to say goodnight.  Drakeson and Milli gave him kisses.

We slept soundly.  In the morning, I texted Dad.
6:30  Who's up over there?
6:31  Not sure.  I think Dave is.  Mary is probably working.  I'm going to go check on Dad.
6:32  Okay.  We'll get dressed, and you tell us when to come over then.
6:59  Mary and I think that Dad passed in the night.  I called George to ask for additional tests.
        Hospice is sending out the nurse now to confirm.



And just like that, I had lost my grandpa.

It was so fast.  It was both painfully disorienting and unarguably perfect.  Dad said, "It couldn't be better.  It couldn't be worse, but it couldn't be better."  I think that's how all of us felt.  Grandpa didn't want to hold on, and nobody wanted him to suffer.  He was surrounded by the people who loved him the most, and he was more ready to go than we were ready to let him.

The kids and I came over anyway.  The kids wanted to see him - to touch his arm and say goodbye one last time.  Little Milli insisted.  She led the way to his room.

Dad and I retreated to his room, and he told me that Grandpa wanted me to have two cloth crosses.  The first was a yellow cross with a crown, and for over a generation, this was kept under a plane of glass on the coffee table in Grandma and Grandpa's house.  The second was a pink embroidered cross that Grandma used to hold onto after her stroke.

Uncle Dave started making pancakes.  A prolonged brunch including eggs, coffee, cake, fruit, and milk emerged from nowhere.  My dad's generation were all in a fog, trying to make the right phone calls, choose the right clothes, deal with the funeral home, get the right forms, make the right check lists, and discuss the legal matters.  They were probably talking in circles, but more than anything, they were thankful to be together.  It was not unlike my generation from the night before.

Emily, Jessica, and Erik came over.  Somehow we were able to make the most of our time together and play with the kids.  We were back to the lawn games and the running around, and in a few short hours, it was time to go.

I asked Drakeson if he'd like to play piano for Dad, and he did.  Not one to be shy, he invited my generation to Aunt Myla's house to listen to his concert.  Milli, not wanting to be left out, pretended to perform twice.  Drakeson ended with one of Emily's favorite melodies, "Simple Gifts."

On the way to the airport, Dad commented on how much dignity Grandpa had.  He pointed out the fact that Grandpa even had dignity about losing his dignity, meaning that Grandpa was cooperative, gentle, and understanding even through the process of his body requiring more assistance.  Incredible.  What a way to be.  What a graceful way to make an exit.

My grandmother had always emphasized Grandpa's place as the patriarch of the Kratzke family, a Christian leader, and a real patriot.  Behind those titles, however, was a truly smart, brave, strong, and loving man.  He worked hard to build the family that mourns his loss, and I'm so thankful to be a part of it.  I'm happy that my aunts, uncles, and cousins are who they are.  Aunt Mary put it well: "You can't make a movie better than this."

Grandpa

AWKRATZKE

Disney World VI Extra Pictures

These are a few of my favorite shots by Mom.