Kratzke: Disney World VII

Wednesday, 22 Jul 20: The Contemporary Resort

Disney World opens in the midst of a pandemic, all while Florida documents more than 11,000 cases per day. It has a dystopian ring to it, doesn't it? Perhaps Pinocchio's Pleasure Island comes to mind. Reflective of such a seemingly reasonable point of view, Trevor Noah says, "Why are you at Disney World, dumbass?"

Right, why. Are we dumbasses? Maybe, I don't know. The other families on the plane, tugging on their masks and happily chomping down their Southwest snack mix bags in synchrony certainly seem to be. No snack mix is that good. And the family near Disney's Magical Express dressed in matching "BLESSED" shirts undoubtedly are. So in the very least, we are clearly in the presence of dumbasses.

But are we flippant? Absolutely not. CONSTANT VIGILANCE! (- Professor Moody)
We spent the last 7 hours with N95's firmly strapped to our heads with two elastic bands. I'm not trying to convince you to book a flight to a coronavirus hotspot, but if you want to know how we came to such an unpopular decision, it's pretty straightforward. How protective is proper mask wearing? Well, it's protective enough to have kept George healthy up to this point in an environment where the coronavirus is literally aerosolized every day. He respects the virus and he wears his mask.

But what if the virus permeates barriers that have been proven effective? That seems like a valid concern. But also, what if the physics behind the lifting of our 84,100 pound Boeing 737-700, not to mention the weight of its passengers and luggage, doesn't generate enough power to get us 35,000 feet in the air? That seems like a valid concern, too. We can't accurately access risks, so we rank them according to comfort. We have become comfortable with the idea that airplanes work, even though it's not intuitive. And we have not become comfortable with the idea that we can adequately protect ourselves against the virus because the devastation it has caused on unprotected victims, particularly in our dumbass country, is horrific. Most people would agree that the US is leading the world in cases and deaths because we haven't been careful enough, but I would argue that as a whole, we haven't been careful at all. On the contrary, Trump followers have been proudly spreading disease as a mark of loyalty to their master.
My sister says condoms don't work 100% of the time, and she's right. If you chose abstinence as a method of preventing an unwanted pregnancy, I would applaud your success, but I also wouldn't judge you for using birth control.

I'd like to add two thoughts. The first is that sometimes we have to make black and white decisions, and to do this, we look to the majority of our thoughts and feelings. If instead, we waited for total conviction, we would never choose careers or spouses or start watching a new show on Netflix. In other words, just because this was our decision, we do understand Trevor Noah.

The second thought is that the idea of rewards is personal. People are going out to bars and restaurants without protection because it's comforting. Potentially deadly, but comforting. People are expanding their social bubbles, scheduling playdates, and creating homeschooling pods because human beings need social interaction. People are going to gyms and parks and pools to get exercise, and I don't blame them. Almost all of us go to the grocery store where idiots wander around protecting their neighbors only from the coronavirus spewing from their chins. But on we all go because that's how we have learned to feed ourselves. It's not that safe.

The shriek of joy at 5:00 am this morning when it was time to get dressed? Expendable. The excitement from my chatterboxes when the plane is taking off? The dancing and skipping in hallways because Disney World is too good to be true? The anticipation our family builds planning this trip all year long, finally coming together for a week of loving memories? Sure. Expendable. Breaking the routine of screaming over bored kids and struggling to keep the damn house clean? Returning to that same damn house with a new appreciation before settling down for a year of remote learning? Having the space and time to connect with my spouse? Totally expendable. But particularly expendable to families without children.

I could tell a smoker that cigarettes are easy to give up because they smell bad, but come now. That wouldn't be fair.

Bà & Ông's Chairs at MCO

Missing Orange and Yellow

Waterslide To Ourselves

The Wave

The Wave To Ourselves

L&G Disney Tradition

Happy Cuddles

Thursday, 23 Jul 20: Hollywood Studios
For anybody who doesn't go to Disney World, we rode a lot of rides (now you can skip to the pictures). For anybody who does, I have four words for you. Unlimited tier one fastpasses. So there were no actual fastpasses, but the current tier one rides at Hollywood Studios are Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run, Mickey & Minnie's Runaway Railway, and Slinky Dog Dash. We rode each of them twice. Twice! Both the Railway and Rise of the Resistance are brand new trackless rides - the first of their kind at Disney World. Trackless rides are somewhat self-driving, stop themselves in the case of an emergency, and do not follow the preceding buggy.
Rise of the Resistance is only offered through a "virtual queue," and we barely got in. There were three windows, each less than five seconds, to book a spot. We failed the first two times and asked a cast member for help before our final try. They recommended we get off the wifi, and George wandered around the park to find better reception. We were placed into the backups (group 60) and called in at 19:00. By the time all was said and done, the park was closed and it was 20:15. The line moved quickly but it was quite the trek. I would have loved to turn to my dad to ask him about the steps. This would have devolved into a conversation about how it's important to earn a spot in the virtual queue for the opportunity to accumulate all of these steps, but I take comfort in the fact that we're predictable enough for me to make the dad jokes in my head. The ride itself is a full 18 minutes long! If you're a big Star Wars fan, it's "super awesome." If you're a normal person, it's technologically impressive, a bit long-winded, and very dorky. George got us out of some dork talk by engaging with a cast member about the "Lord Vader" on his shirt being a visionary. Sometimes I'm thankful to have him by my side.

We rode everything. Milli loved Alien Swirling Saucers and insisted we go twice. This was the first year she earned a real score in Toy Story Mania, and the first time she was tall enough for Star Tours, which we rode three times.
We watched two shows. The theaters that are open have every other row blocked off, groups of four seats together physically distanced by three unavailable seats, frequent disinfecting routines, and hand sanitizing stations everywhere. Even taking those new restrictions into consideration, the theaters on average are less than a quarter "full." In other words, about 71.4% (10/14) of the seats are unavailable, and of the 28.6% remaining, less than a quarter are occupied. So theaters are operating at less than 8% capacity. Wild. The first show was the brand new Vacation Fun - An Original Animated Short with Mickey & Minnie, which goes along with the new trackless Mickey & Minnie's Runaway Railway I mentioned earlier, and the second was Muppet Vision 3D.
The kids had no choice; Milli was finally tall enough for Bà's favorite ride, The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. Both Drakeson and Milli were terrified before we even entered the line. Afterwards, Milli was on a soap box with a lecture, and Drakeson was thoroughly traumatized. I bought myself a Hollywood Tower Hotel hoodie to celebrate the moment and promptly dragged the nervous little guy onto the other ride he can't handle, Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith, while George and I took turns letting Milli watch Lightning McQueen's Racing Academy. While we can be needlessly cruel to our children, we did promise each of them a dessert of their choosing.
Dinner at Mama Melrose's Ristorante Italiano was a welcome break, of course. I won't go into as much detail as I did for yesterday's dinner, but we ordered fried calamari, the house-made meatball, chicken parm, polenta cake with sautéed veggies, shrimp campanelle in a four-cheese sauce, two wine flights, one tiramisu, and as promised, a plate of two cannolis.

It's a Brand New Day

All Masked Up

Half the Bus To Ourselves

Slinky Dog Dash

Milli Growing Up (I'm on the right; George usually scores about 250K)

Millennium Falcon

Smugglers Run

The First of Many Dorky Star Wars Pictures

Second

Third

Fourth

Snugglers in Smugglers

Big Guy

Fifth

Stormtroopers Performing for Nobody

Star Tours

No Lines Behind Us

Mama & Babies

Ghost Town

Terrified of Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith with Mean, Mean Mama

Lightning McQueen To Ourselves

Beautiful Curls in the FL Humidity (One Ringlet!)

Waiting for Dadas to Join the Virtual Queue

Mama's New Hoodie ❤️

Slinky Dog Dash Again!

Family Favorite: Mickey & Minnie's Runaway Railway

Mama Melrose's To Ourselves

Snowman

Muppet Fountain

Rise of the Resistance

Map

Leutenant Bek

Stormtroopers

THIS AT-AT IS SO HUGE YOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT

Sixth

Hollywood

Friday, 24 Jul 20: Epcot

Ah, Epcot. I always love it. We had the park to ourselves at a casual 11:00 am opening, so we rode Frozen Ever After four times. You read that right. Don't believe it? Then we headed over to Soarin' and walked right on three times. We came back to it later in the day for a fourth, and George and I were able to verify the countries of each spectacular scene. Drakeson made George ride Mission: SPACE Orange as payback for the "Tower of Happiness" yesterday while Milli and I rode Mission: SPACE Green. Drakeson was elated to see his dad so nervous and queasy. We went on Living with the Land, The Seas with Nemo & Friends, Spaceship Earth, Gran Fiesta Tour Starring the Three Caballeros twice, and Journey Into Imagination with Figment three times. Due to rumors of Figment being replaced by an Inside Out attraction, George bought Drakeson a Figment lovey that he slept with every night. We watched Awesome Planet and the Disney & Pixar Short Film Festival, and, of course, spent some time with the fish at SeaBase. We rode Test Track twice: once during the day and once in the dark in the evening breeze as the park closed. It was picture perfect.

Biergarten is always a highlight, but we have never been more impressed with the food. In fact, this was the first year Epcot's International Food and Wine Festival was early enough to coincide with our annual trip, but because we couldn't bear to spoil our appetites for Biergarten, we simply passed up plate after plate and drink after drink. We saved it all for two German beer flights, a quartet of macaroni salad, cucumber salad, tomato onion salad, and potato salad, pretzel rolls, three types traditional sausages, a double serving of sauerkraut, roasted potatoes, rotisserie chicken, spaetzle, mac and cheese, green beans, meatballs, schnitzel, brownies, chocolate chip cookies, apple strudel with vanilla cream sauce, German chocolate cake, berry compote, and Bavarian cheesecake. No regrets.

All Ready for Another Day

Did We Buy Epcot?

Yes.

World Showcase

Second in Line for Frozen

Dancing in the Frozen Line

Mama Loves Trolls

Little Ones Love Mama

Living With the Land

Nemo

SeaBase Never Gets Old

Yook! Yook!

School of Fish

"Bruce is a Little Shy This Year"

Wait, George, are you sure we can even afford Epcot?

Spaceship Earth

No Spaceship Earth Ecards This Year

Test Track

Sorry, I Meant Test Track To Ourselves

Mission: SPACE

BIERGARTEN!!!

Performing at a Distance

Such a Beautiful Ghost Town

Yes, we had a car to ourselves. But also, we had an entire row of cars to ourselves.

Disney & Pixar Short Film Festival

Test Track at Night

International Food & Wine Festival

Goodnight Epcot!

EPCOT

Saturday, 25 Jul 20: Magic Kingdom

Oh, so this is where the dumbasses were hiding. They arrived a few hours after the 8:00 opening, so we started the day off with two easy rounds of Seven Dwarfs Mine Train (this redeemed last year's failed rope drop attempt), Peter Pan's Flight, Splash Mountain, and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Milli is tall enough for everything in the park but Space Mountain, so we skipped that one this time around. Once the dumbasses arrived, they made sure to hang their germy fat noses over the tops of their masks, and for a full hour or two between Pirates of the Caribbean, It's a Small World, The Haunted Mansion, and Under the Sea - Journey of the Little Mermaid, I was actually glad my parents weren't here. All of those rides had long pauses while waiting due to sanitizing procedures, but I was thankful. After all, coronavirus was wafting out of dumbass noses left and right. Disney cast members did remind their guests of indecent exposures, and by the time the afternoon rolled around, the noses and my anxiety surrounding them mostly disappeared. (To be fair, George maintains that we were always at a safe distance. But was it safe enough for them to avoid my dirty looks?)

Things were smooth sailing again, and we tackled The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, Astro Orbiter, Tomorrowland Speedway, and two rounds each of The Barnstormer and Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin. We enjoyed the 12-minute break of Mickey's Philharmagic before our enchanted dinner at Be Our Guest. As soon as our waitress Kerry arrived, George ordered a Kronenbourg 1664 beer. Struggling to read the menu quickly enough from my phone, I asked Kerry which beer had the strongest flavor. Without hesitation, she recommended the Chimay Blue, a dark Belgian strong ale. I agreed, and before I knew it, I had one of the most delicious beers in the world in front of me. I had had a beer flight the night before, a wine flight the night before that, and our Lefthand milk stout upon arrival. Chimay Blue had nothing on me. When Kerry came back for our order, I thanked her for her fantastic recommendation. George, meanwhile, was rightfully jealous and ordered his own Chimay Blue. She brought one for each of us, mistaking my compliment as an order. By the time my scallops arrived, it was all over. Not only had Chimay Blue won the battle against Lan in one very unexpected swift blow, but with no self control whatsoever, I was staring down Chimay Two. I walked out of the restaurant in a drunken stupor, leaving behind both our Disney bag and my dignity.

We rode two rides of Milli's choosing: Prince Charming Regal Carrousel and Under the Sea - Journey of the Little Mermaid, and two of Drakeson's: Tomorrowland Speedway and Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin. Milli beat George fair and square, and that's no joke. We bought her an Angel lovey, so now her Stitch will have another friend at his picnics.

The Happiest Place on Earth

Magic Kingdom To Ourselves!

If You Didn't Believe Me Before, You Should Believe Me Now

Makeover for the 50th Anniversary Next Year

Seven Dwarfs

Ghost Town

Frontierland

Big Enough for Rollercoasters

Goodbye Drakeson!

Posing with Gaston. He is SO Dreamy.

Triton

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

Pumpkins

Astro Orbiter

Sanitizing

The Barnstormer

Be Our Guest

Grey Stuff

True Story

Tomorrowland Speedway

Closing Time

Goodnight, Magic Kingdom!

Goodnight, Monorail!

Walking Back while Dadas Gets Our Bag

Welcomed by Mickey

Magic Kingdom

Sunday, 26 Jul 20: Animal Kingdom
The cast members at Animal Kingdom are the friendliest, and upon entry, we walked past rows of cheering staff enthusiastically welcoming us into the park. Nobody else was around and all the attention was downright embarrassing! My eyes may have been darting around in avoidance, but I have to admit there was a smile under my mask.

As unbelievable as every other park was, nothing tops the fact that Drakeson rode Avatar Flight of Passage no fewer than six times. Milli rode Na'vi River Journey seven, and her favorite ride was DINOSAUR, which she rode five times. We snuck in a few rounds of TriceraTop Spin, but she started insisting on the "scary dinosaur one" pretty quickly. In fact, she wanted to go more than five times, but Drakeson was too dizzy after two rounds of Expedition Everest. We were shocked that he wanted to ride that one at all, but I think he did it in honor of Bà. During his second ride, Milli and I bought George an Expedition Everest t-shirt, so I got a hoodie with one of Bà's favorite rides, and George got a t-shirt with another.

We watched It's Tough to Be a Bug, rode Kali River Rapids and Kilimanjaro Safaris, and found the Komodo dragon in Maharajah Jungle Trek before dinner at Yak & Yeti. Despite the fact that this was the least fancy dinner of the entire trip, the kids went crazy for it. Drakeson ordered our appetizer, the ahi tuna nachos, and we split miso salmon, chicken tikka masala, coconut shrimp with plum barbecue sauce, and mango pie for dessert. It was a beautiful ending to an unrepeatable day.

Day Four

Tree of Life

Animal Kingdom

The Bridge to Pandora - Empty!?

Pandora a Ghost Town?!?!

Drakeson's Photography

Mama's Photography

Flight of Passage!

Beautiful Curls in the FL Humidity (One Ringlet!)

Saddle-Billed Stork

Baobab

Zebra

Elephants & Sun Rays

Sable Antelope

Elephants & Baobab

Scimitar Oryx

Lion

White Rhinos & Bontebok

Another Two Inches

Flight of Passage Lab

Little Stitch in Pandora

Next to TriceraTop Spin

Dinoland

DINOSAUR

Mount Everest - Scared but Willing

It's Tough to Be a Bug

Expedition Everest

Komodo Dragon

Two Dragons & a Goat

Malayan Flying Fox

Asian Tiger

Animal Kingdom

Monday, 27 Jul 20: Kidani Village

We slept in soundly, and for the first time ever, took our time packing up. We headed to Disney Springs around 11:00 to explore The LEGO Store, Goofy's Candy Company, Disney's Days of Christmas, and the world's largest (50,000 square feet!!) World of Disney. We really missed Bà and Ông, so we kept our eyes out for t-shirts they could wear next year. It took a while, but we found the perfect pair! They had a picture of a winking Mickey and read, "Together Again." Once we were third in line at the check out, the Disney Springs computer systems had an error and shut down. We waited long enough for the line behind us to grow backwards throughout the store. Eventually, we returned the shirts and headed to the bus.

When we arrived at the Kidani Village, we were locked out of our room from the same computer systems malfunction. George went to the front desk for help while the kids and I peeked out the windows at the wildlife preserve. It wasn't long before we were on the other side of the big wooden door, facing a gorgeous 1,173 square foot, two bedroom deluxe villa with three units of connected balcony, a full kitchen, washer/dryer unit, and three full baths. In no time, the kids were squirming in water jets and blanketed with bubbles in the master bath while George and I kicked up our feet and finished our pear-infused vodka before dinner. Drakeson unexpectedly lost his seventh tooth and was over the moon.

George really wanted to buy those t-shirts. He asked the cast members at the gift shop if we could order them through Disney Springs while I scoured the internet. Neither of us was successful.

Dinner was downstairs at Sanaa, an incredible Indian-influenced African restaurant. Our appetizer was traditional naan, garlic-ginger naan, spiced naan, onion kulcha, and paneer paratha with dipping sides of cucumber raita, roasted red pepper hummus, mango chutney, tomato date jam, tamarind chutney, coriander chutney, garlic pickle, red chile sambal, and spicy jalapeño-lime pickle. Our entrees were Goan seafood curry with chickpea wat, butter chicken with cilantro-coconut vegetables, scented basmati rice, and African biryani with shrimp. If Bà were here, we would definitely have added braised beef with aloo masala, but because we couldn't make up our minds on what not to try, our waiter choose for us. A spicy poblano margarita with Patrón Silver, Ancho Reyes verde liqueur, and lime, and a watermelon margarita with Patrón Silver, watermelon, and lime were everything I had imagined, and we finished dinner with an African triple chocolate mousse. I was in love with life.

Adjacent to the restaurant and half the rooms on property is a 21-acre wildlife preserve with four giraffes, four elands, seven zebras, three roan antelope, two addax, five wildebeests, seven impalas, eleven African crowned cranes, two marabou storks, and two ostriches. I was so awestruck that I called Mom and Dad several times and interrupted their dinner out at Lake Anne's Kalypso's.

George really loves my parents. I took the kids to play in the deserted corners of Samawati Springs Pool while son-in-law of the year embarked on a two hour journey by himself back to Disney Springs. I kept a close watch on the kids, and we kept our distance from the main pool and its 128-foot waterslide. Both Drakeson and Milli wanted to go, but I explained that I would have to wait at the bottom to catch Milli, and I couldn't send them into a line by themselves with no masks because my job was to protect them. As we started walking back to the room, Drakeson said, "But you're a grown up and you know how to keep us safe. And you could take us and go first." That honestly hadn't occurred to me, and I had to admit he was right. We turned around, walked back to the pool, and waited in line together with me riding first, Milli riding second, and Drakeson going last to keep a careful watch on his sister. I had been outsmarted by my seven-year-old.

We came back to our mansion and hopped into another bubble bath. After playing with the kids for a while, I told them it was time for me to look at pictures, and Milli said, "You can't go. Vacation time is about spending time with your family." And so it was. I had now also been outsmarted by my four-year-old.

Riding to Disney Springs

Hulk

Star Destroyer

Cinderella

Milli says this is Bill Peet's Cyrus the Unsinkable Sea Serpent

Rey & BB-8

Maleficent

Cinderella

Carousel

Pooh

Made of Jelly Beans!

Christmas

Maybe Next Time

Stitch Spits Water!

The First of Three Bubble Baths

Sanaa

Appetizer

Beautiful Kidani

Next to Sanaa

Wildlife Preserve

Balconies surrounding Preserve

Lookout To Ourselves

A Closer Look

One More

One of the Samawati Springs Pool Playscapes

Water Cannons

Little Warm Tub

Just Mama, No Rules

128 Feet

Goodnight Kidani!

Kidani

Tuesday, 28 Jul 20: Final Thoughts

This was a once-in-a-lifetime event. I've always wanted to see the Animal Kingdom Lodge, and because it doesn't have a conference center, I wouldn't have been able to under normal circumstances. The Animal Kingdom Lodge is divided into two villas, Jambo House and Kidani Village. There is a half-mile path from one to the other. The three restaurants on property, Jiko, Sanaa, and Boma, are all ranked in the top seven for Disney resort restaurants according to touringplans.com. The theming and decorations are immersive, and both locations have savannas filled with beautiful animals.

Disney did everything in their power to protect everyone. Each guest was required to pass a temperature screening (100.4°) before entering any of the parks or Disney Springs. Hand sanitizing stations as well as portable hand washing stations were everywhere, and cast members were constantly sanitizing railings and rides. Markings on the ground helped to make physical distancing easy to follow, and plexiglass and plastic barriers were installed in both rides and lines. Check-ins and menus came as QR codes. It took them three full hours to turn a room.

Part of the magic of Disney year after year is watching the kids grow up. Drakeson was a little braver, and Milli was more of a team player and less of a baby than ever before. At 42 inches tall, she's been on all but one or two rides per park. Her preferences and opinions are articulated very clearly, and she's remains less fearful than her big brother. The kids didn't need much help staying close to us or keeping their hats, magic bands, and masks firmly in place. They followed the distancing guides on the grounds and sanitized their hands every time we did. It was our first trip with absolutely no naps midday. It was also the first year we let them pick out souvenirs or help us order dinner. It's the only year we'll ever have so much space to ourselves and the ability to ride whatever we wanted. Because there were no fastpass lines, we were able to tour some beautiful standby lines we had never seen, most notably, Seven Dwarfs, Splash Mountain, and Flight of Passage. Every year our week here is a treasure, but the strongest memories are always the unique ones. Not only did we have ample space to ourselves, but ending the trip in Kidani isn't a detail easily forgotten. Some day we'll look back on this vacation as the year with masks and signs and plexiglass and temperature checks. In a time where airports and gyms are terrifying and grocery stores are risky, I can't believe how well Disney World pulled it off. You could certainly get sick there, but it wouldn't be their fault.